Remember when I said that I was afraid to start this blog because I might post something stupid? Or something that would come back to “bite me in the ass?”
This could well be one of those times.
The moon is blue tonight. The 3 Day Novel Contest starts at MIDNIGHT. Perhaps I’m already off my rocker.
This afternoon, I got to thinking and hoping that … maybe I can use this weekend as…a beginning of a whole new way of being. I’m feeling a need to…re-dedicate myself… yeah that’s it. To shake things up, shake things off.
A new dedication of myself to the craft and the writer’s life.
I feel that I HAVE been working hard, or (even better) working WELL, writing wise, these last few months, but things still seem to happen in fits and starts.
I want… still more discipline within myself, on the writing and the eating and the moving the bod fronts.
So, I sit here, ready to enter the 3DNC (3day Novel Contest) with a BLANK slate – which I have never done before and I think… This is good.
This is a REAL experiment for you.
And it could be more.
You can declare this night the beginning of a whole new year.
Like a new “school year” but with no school.
When we moved here, this was the plan. To get back to the writing and the reading. To put myself into a sort of “self-directed” MFA.
And I HAVE been working on it. The novel moves ahead. I’m reading and reading and reading.
But… I have also allowed “life” to throw me off course – perhaps a bit too easily.
And, perhaps, I could be a BIT more selective in what I am reading… there isn’t really a “program” – though I did have a stack of books of poetry and plays I wanted to read and more (always) books on craft. Now, (she looks around the room), where did that pile GET too?
I’m always saying – every day is a NEW DAY and you can change your life in an instant. That you just have to DECIDE and TAKE ACTION.
The 3DNC is most definitely a time of ACTION.
This year, it also feels like a time of reflection.
Like I said, I am doing something COMPLETELY NEW – for me, this year.
I am going to go in with – nothing.
Well, with GAL and with … another character who is simply the me/not me.
A woman…of a certain age.
With a background similar to mine.
And… I suppose, though I’m not sure – ISSUES similar to mine.
We will see what comes out.
I will do things differently this year for the 3DNC.
I will listen, closely, to my body.
I will respond with nourishment and care and movement.
I will begin this year with stretchy yoga and a meditation.
I will turn on my 3 hours of TRANCE-y tunes and I will open my heart and we will see what GAL brings to me.
Oh my dears…I can just FEEEEEEEEL potential judges cringing.
I could so CRASH!
I could type up reams of nonsense.
And what, you ask, is so bad about that?
Well, I could… FAIL.
There’s that fear-monster again.
Sometimes, I really wish I could just give myself a freakin’ break.
That is, of course, when I’m not busy berating myself for being a “lazy-arsed good for nothin”
I’m forever making lists and wishful schedules for myself.
You know the type:
Is such a schedule too mad to do?
I have freedom, right now.
I think I can hold off getting a “job-job” until … well, I dunno… maybe… I was going to March, but no… I say APRIL.
I can try…no.
As Yoda says, “Do or do not. There is no try…”
I can DO this … this schedule of wonderfulness …
Well, starting WEDNESDAY – cuz til then…I’m busy…listening.
I sit here, typing this and I hear GAL say, “You should post this on your blog.”
“What if I can’t do it?
“Well then you will be a losah!”
GAL goes silent, but the dialogue continues in my head.
Can I NOT just make a pledge? A simple pledge to rise earlier, write more consistently (instead of bingeing), eat better and do some yoga/meditation?
Make a pledge.
Do it publicly!
AFTER the 3DNC.
Oh for mothertruckin’ cheesedoodle sakes – just DO it!
I try to side-step.
And if I feel strong enough…
I WILL post it and I will begin a NEW YEAR – From Labour to Labour, From 3DNC12 to 3DNC13.”
Oh give it UP!
Just declare it – you can always slink back on Wednesday and delete the ENTIRE BLOG if you are such a scaredy pants!
I hereby RESOLVE to:
And scariest of all:
I hereby pledge to report back to this public place… regularly… Once a week? Maybe. Maybe on Mondays…
I hereby pledge to report back to this public place each Monday to take an honest look at how I have “done”. Starting AFTER the 3DNC (cuz this MONDAY I’ll hopefully be typing like MAD)
That is do-able.
I think I will only have… um… 30 weeks til I will HAVE to find a job that will bring in some buckage.
Maybe even less.
52 weeks it is.
I hereby declare this the year of living (and writing) intentionally (and dangerously too – though it is always that).
OK. It’s 11pm.
I’m outta here til at least TUESDAY. Don’t forget to water the plants.
And, as always…
Go easy -p
Kim Fahner's Blog
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explorations in creativity
I wish I was born a hundred years ago.