I’m intrigued and pleased by Havi’s weekly round up ritual that she calls Friday Chickens…Chickens are soooo much funner than Check Ins…
and I hereby applaud her. Her blog was one of the first “stranger blogs” that I signed up to follow via email. Stranger as in… I haven’t met her in person . Though some might think the blog is strange — I think it is fantastic!
Every week, her Chickens land in my inbox and … they tickle me.
She is honest and hopeful and wise and … she doesn’t shirk on the hard bits.
I’m totally growing an internet crush on this gal and her duck.
I do want to do a weekly check in with the world. Out loud.
I have no idea why I want to do this.
I think it is mainly…
I would like it to be brief and not boring.
Havi’s Chickens are never boring.
I could and perhaps should and perhaps WILL join the gang over at TFS who do chickens along with Havi. That feels fun and do-able.
And I also want to put it here.
In case YOU would like to play and in case it evolves into something… even more fun… and/or triggers some discussion.
So… let me begin.
Sad news. Hard news. From far away. Not only distance far but… heart far. Deep in the ache far.
I don’t want to detail it here. But it aches and it hurts and… it has been a sad week for me.
Still feeling like I do not manage to produce ENOUGH work on the NIP.
Meaning, this week (and last week – which went by without a check in) a few days with no new words laid down in the NIP.
Some days held MANY words. But I want to find them daily. And I do not know why this seems so difficult for me.
Biggest hard – being mean to myself. Being mean and knowing it is … foolish and destructive and still not being able to stop.
What is UP with that?
Talking with friends about the Sad News. Friends miles away but close in heart. Thank you.
Holding hands with my Love and him rubbing my back when the sadness seems too heavy.
Time on the guitar. Only bits of time, but time. Feels good.
Taking time to read and to enjoy the reading and not think I am “wasting” time.
Re-reading some Salinger which I talk about in the next post.
Reading a book on energy work and others on nutrition and natural healing. Also reading fun fiction/fantasy.
Doing this check in thing.
I think it is a good thing — but it feels quite horrifying to tell you the truth. Far too honest, I suppose.
And the inner dialogue begins (Imagine Thing One and Thing Two battling it out in my brain):
There is NO way you can post this on your blog.
If you feel you need to do this stupid thing, you need to do it anonymously.
Because… it’s whiny and weird and … ANYONE could read it.
Look, Maybe you should just do it for yourself.
Or you could post it over on Havi’s blog.
Yeah. I could do that.
But what is the big deal? Why is the idea of this thing giving you such a panic attack?
Oh my god, It’s true. I’m having a heart attack right now. Can you not feel that?
I can feel it but you are not having a heart attack. You are simply… anxious.
Oh, OK. I’m simply anxious. But seriously – tell me that you are NOT posting this on your blog.
It’s our blog.
Whatever. Promise me!
If that’s really what you want.
Are you sure?
Sure I’m sure. We’re in this together right?
It’s just that… I want you to write… better things for the blog. Y’know what I mean? I want you to make a site for us. An AUTHOR’S WEBSITE. You can’t be all blah blah nekkid up on some site that people will come to looking for your WORK. Jesus! If you feel a need to do that – get another site. Do it somewhere else. Don’t do it here. That’s mad.
Just out of curiousity… what happens if I’m all “blah blah nekkid” on here?
People will see it and they will think we are CRAZY.
Do you think Havi is crazy?
No, but that’s different. That’s her mission – to help people get destuckified. So she shares her process with people. You don’t need to share your process with people. What does it have to DO with anything?
Well, doesn’t it have to do with the writing? With finding our way to the stories we need to tell.
To what even you seem to think are the important stories that we want to tell?
Doesn’t it have to do with how we are finding our way through this thing, this … life? And doesn’t that have to do with the writing?
Maybe. But… Well… Still, you can’t do it!
Because it will compromise our mission?
Because it’s FREAKING EMBARRASSING!
And being embarrassed will compromise us as an artist?
Well…. Oh I don’t know. Shut up!
And what do you think your mission…. our mission is?
To make maps that help people find there way out of the dark…sometimes. Sometimes just to … entertain.
Oh shut up with the “really” in that tone. Did you not hear Jian and Neil Genslinger on Q on Friday? The snarky “really” is so on it’s way out.
…silence… and a tone full look from the soul-full one.
(The other one sighs in frustration, knowing she will never get through to the hippy-dip and make her see sense). Do whatever you want. See if I care.
Well, I’m not gonna post it if you are going to pout about it for the whole weekend.
Go ahead. Flash all your ugly bits right out there. What do I care if you want to be a big flasher face.
My ugly bits?
Hard things are ugly.
Oh, Sweety. They aren’t ugly. They’re just human.
Will you at least follow up this Saturday or Sunday Shake and Bake Chicken/Check In thing with some kind of… literary post?
You mean bury it?
I mean don’t leave it hanging up there. People can find these check in chickens if they want to. But please, promise that you will keep it short and that you will IMMEDIATELY follow it with something more… interesting… than your personal scabbage.
I can do that.
And so it goes…
The Shake and Bake is hereby born. I hereby, as queen of this particular chunk of cyberland, declare this Edition One.
Future editions will much shorter.
Unless I continue to talk to myself.
Thanks for stopping by.
go easy -p
Kim Fahner's Blog
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