21 Monkeys – DAY SIX: Insights and Rebellion

Giggle…blush…um… Sort of forgot that I have to come online to DO the meditations…so…here I am.

Tricking myself into thinking I’m offline by using the ipad and the mobile app to post…instead of my laptop. Ahh the games we play with ourselves. I do find my self infinitely entertaining. HA!

Quite enjoyed the meditation today. I’m out in my studio. The sun is shining. I drank coffee and spent some time in the Scrib and then…climbed online to access the meditation.

The journal questions focused around…our unique gifts…and how we share them (or don’t share them) with the world.

And…well heck… I have an urge today to “let it all hang out” so…here’s what surfaced for me today.

The first question pointed out that we all have a unique gift, talent or passion that the people around us might not know about. They asked us what we dream “of being, doing and sharing with the world.”

Well…my gift/talent/passion is not a secret … Meaning, the folks around me DO know about it and I am in there swinging… writing wise… every day. But I do dream of writing more of the kind of stuff that I am willing to share with the world.

The question got me thinking about the fact that I also dream of a more direct type of helping/healing…like I was writing about in the Scrib today…

I often think of… Offering something more personal, more one on one, like… Becoming a psychotherapist or counsellor or healer of sorts. Or…even bigger… to create… a haven. To create and offer a haven to women. A place they can come to to find solace and comfort and also to discover their own strength because that is the real secret – that you really don’t need “a healer” at all.

It’s nice to have company on the journey…but you can and WILL actually find your own way all on your own. I totally believe that. We are all working it out for ourselves. But wouldn’t it be fabulous to have a place you could go to that offered…. I dunno…safety, companionship, challenges even?

I guess I dream of finding my own way, and helping others along. That’s all.

The second question today had me sitting for a while, before the answer surfaced. They asked us “In what ways have you limited yourself in expressing your true magnificence? Take your time and be specific.”

Hmm…well… I really am here… at this place of… letting it all flow out, flow in, flow out.

Am I limiting myself?

I know I am still very ‘other’ focused…wanting to please, wanting to help, finding there is always time to do for others and not always enough time or energy to do for myself and so, I allow my self to get depleted.

And there it is! That limits me.

The lack of energy translates into lack of clarity, lack of vision, and to losing my connection to the sea of stories. I am left bereft and alone and…seemingly without purpose…I’ve nothing to say or write, because…I am simply…tuckered out.

Hmmm…

That sort of just poured on out of me which gives you a taste of the power and the beauty I am finding in these questions.

But then they go on to ask….

“What steps would you like to take to share more of your authentic self and gifts with the world? What is one action you are willing to commit to integrating into your life today?”

And my immediate…visceral… response is:

Oh for poopy sake on this ‘integrating ANOTHER action’ into my life.
The blogging… This very blogging thing for 21 days…this is sharing my bumpy lumpy grammatically challenged authentic self with the world… I simply REFUSE to add another freaking “action” to my day. So there!

And so it goes.

It’s been a good morning.
I like the mantra sound of today’s meditation. It carried me away…mostly…but there is something dark and twisty brooding within me that may burst out for the 3day….feels good actually. Scary because it might mean 3 days in the dark, but…. It could be good. It could be good.

And now… I need to go and prepare for a fishing expedition with two beautiful wild women.

Wishing you a wondrous day.

Go easy – p