Pam Bustin
creator, editor, story tender
Courting the Muse: Learning to listen to your Self in the face of all those “How to Write a Novel in Ten Easy Steps!” tipsters
Early last month, I found myself online, about to register for yet another free video session with a Wise One. This person is FOR sure a wise and lovely man, with much to offer all of us, but as my finger hovered over the CLICK TO REGISTER button, a wee voice spoke very clearly in my head.
She said, “Really? More? Is that what you really want right now, Pam? More words from someone else? Really?”
And the answer was, “No. No that isn’t what I want.” It just isn’t – still.
What I WANT is to value my time alone and to find my way back to simply…listening to my Self. As much as I value all these teachings from others, right now I just need to sit in silence. To sit with myself. To ask questions, perhaps, but to seek the answers INside.
This need to spend time alone with myself in a listening mode is so strong that … For the past 6 weeks, I’ve been retreating to the Writing Burrow each Wednesday evening to attend a 90 minute class with … Pam Bustin.
That may sound insane, but here’s the thing…I can always make it to these free webinar things in the evening, but it seems hard for me to pull myself away from the ole “stories on a drip” that I have turned NetFlix into to get myself back into the burrow to just…do my own thing of an evenin’. So… I invented a 5 week class for myself.
I liked it so much that I think I will keep it up.
I’m writing this today, because it’s that time of year when this gal’s thoughts turn toward the 3 Day Novel Contest (3DNC) which, for those of you who don’t know, is a fantastically fun contest run each year by the good folks at Geist Magazine. The aim being to write a novel (or at least a novella) over the Labour Day Weekend. (Click HERE for more info)
Every year, my prep for the 3DNC is wildly different on some fronts, and solidly the same on others.
I still stand by my Top Five Tips (Click to see goofy vid). These are solid.
What shifts for me is the whole idea of outlining/timelining…ect. In the first few years, I went wild with it. I read books and surfed and plotted and bought software to help me do all that and … and… And yes, that first year, with an incredibly detailed outline and timeline, I made the shortlist in the contest. Cool.
In the past couple of years I’ve been doing some outline type thinking, but leaning more towards thoughts of some loose Structure and rejoicing deeply in the Random Sacred that pops out once I get writing/typing. Last year, I made the short list again. This time all I started with was the opening line
Here we are, in the quiet.
And a bag of hand made runes.
I started writing, pulling runes to lead me through the story. It was a great and often horrifying ride. I was so sure that what emerged would be….nonsense. I had very little trust in my muse or my self but we created a lovely, heart-rending, tale that…though it needs work…I hope to submit somewhere this year. Also Cool, right?
Well…here’s the thing. Even though I done good last year with the whole “seat of my pants / pseudo sacred trance / winging it” thing… that urge…. The urge to… Dream up a story and…Lay it all out like a map I can follow … Is super strong when it comes to this crazy weekend challenge.
I don’t outline when I write.
I hear voices. Usually ONE strong voice, truth be told, and I listen…and sooner or later…I start to take notes and…follow the story they are telling me.
But every year, as the 3DNC approaches….I panic.
Must have an outline!
Must re-read books on writing, and go forth and read the website tips of other writers because I’ve no idea how to this and especially not in three days and I am sure to just…sit there looking at a blank page for three days if I don’t follow someone’s plan of “how to write a story!
I can’t breathe for the panicking.
And… I do play with outlines, and ideas for structuring whatever story has drifted up from… wherever stories are born… I play around especially with outline ideas that don’t necessarily match up the ole Hero’s Journey idea. I seek a different…structure of story-telling, though I know damned well that the heroic journey always works for me as a reader. I’m not sure what the hell I am looking for, but maybe a way to tell a story that doesn’t have to be about….war or violence or chock full of conflict or….something.
Every year, I think….
Maybe it can be more….Inanna’s journey than Odyseus or Luke Skywalker.
I think that every year.
And every year I also yearn for a simple … Caper … That I can write out — full and funny in 72 hours. A straight forward yarn that will roll off my fingertips and tickle everyone’s fancy.
And there is a big part of me that BELIEVES that I could write the hell out of such a caper if I could just pin down the bastid in a nice tidy outline, like all those other writers seem able to create.
I know my strengths as a writer – but I often find myself… Wishing for another way through.
Like how those of us with wavy hair wish it was either thick and curly or bone straight and glossy.
I don’t always appreciate my gift.
I tend to berate my muse more than courting her.
So.
This year, though I know I will play with outlines and possible structures for this barely formed idea we have rattling round – I also plan to spend some time each day letting my Muse choose what we spend our time on.
So far, we’ve gone berry-picking, spent the day out on the river with my Lovely Raggedy Man and another day out with a friend. We went to a pow wow yesterday. Ms Musey loves the drums.
She thrives on our daily walks and she likes looking at pictures and making doodly drawings.
She is also incredibly happy with the Faux-dori (a home-made version of the uber popular Midori Traveler’s Notebook cover) we made out of deerskin and the wee handmade notebooks we fill it with.
There are 18 days to go til the 3DNC begins.
I am still…grieving.
I am still tired.
And, as you can tell from my earlier references to the ongoing need for “stories on tap” AKA “MY NetFlix addiction” I am still in need of simple solace.
But… I am still…walking my way to water (though I’ve put my work-through of Julia Cameron’s books on hold for a bit longer).
I am still putting words on the page everyday in the Scrib.
I have Grand and Awesome Plans for my Writing Career – of course.
But for now…
Courting my Muse is enough.
And listening to my self.
And here’s what I’m thinking…
I’m going to post each day leading up to “3DNC Go Time!”
Just to give us all a bit of an…antidote to all the planning panic and to all the sites that scream at you that “THIS IS THE WAY TO….outline, to tell a story, to insert conflict, to….yadda yadda yadda” That shit just doesn’t work for me – try and try and TRY as I might to make it.
I’m not sure what I will post each day, but it should be fun.
For me, storytelling is a sacred act, and I can’t corral my muse into any of these …. “How to Write a Novel in 10 Easy Steps” Ways of working.
I honestly think that we can learn from each other, but in the end…we must each find our own way. And I also believe that writing isn’t easy. It’s hard and demanding and it hurts like hell more often than not. But it is also … The best way I have found to spend my days and thereby spend my life.
For me, stories always begin in the dark. They begin with a voice that I can barely hear but that somehow wakes me in the night. Sometimes, it takes me a long while to figure out what language they are speaking.
For the story to make it to the page, the voice must be strong enough to cut through my fear.
There is a woman whispering to me, now.
She has a tale a tell.
Send us strength to tell it true.
May your words flow today (and always).
Go easy~p
PS: If you’d like to chat about writing or the 3DNC, please leave a comment below or drop me a line. Or better yet, don’t get stuck with just me to yap with – come and join us over in the 3 Day Novel Contest 2015 Chatzone over on AbeBooks.
Tap Tap Tap… begin again…
Hullo Sweeties.
I’ve missed you.
I’ve been meaning to make my way back here, to this place, this space, this bit of grace…. for days.
I’m not sure why it is so hard.
Maybe I think I need to say something BIG…
But that isn’t so.
Instead of words upon words tumbling ….
Here is a face.
For this place…this space…
I shall call her Grace.
go easy ~p
Walking My Way To Water : DETOUR…. For Isabel…
There is a creature knowing in us.
When one of our pack falters, we know.
Across miles
Across vast distances created by hard words
Through ancient woundings
We know, and we gather.
To say farewell
And to grieve.
~~o~~
I have no words.
I keep coming to The Scrib...but I cannot yet find my way in to the healing of the word river.
On Saturday, June 6, I fell down. I was so tired and I began to sob, the heaving sobs of no breath. I kept saying, "I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do."
Depression.
Yes.
But also grief.
Bone deep grief and a knowing I refused to accept and tried to bury under binge watching episodes of Lie To Me (and yes, seeing this today, makes me smile just a little).
A few hours later, I got a call from the Raggedy Man that my lovely Sister in Law, V, had arrived in town. Unannounced. She just got "a feeling" and knew she needed to come and see her mother.
On Sunday, Isabel began to feel "a twinge" in her ribs. A new pain, after months of days when she replied to my, "So, how are you feeling this morning?" With a sigh or a chuckle and the phrase, "No roaring hell."
On Monday, V and the Raggedy Man took her up to the clinic to see her doctor. She was admitted to hospital.
Isabel left us on Friday, June 12, at 5:10 PM
Her last word was, "Wow."
I don't know the history of where she first heard this song, but it was a favourite. She liked to listen to it out on the screened-in porch, at camp. It always made her smile.
This one's for you, Isabel.
Go easy ~p
Walking My Way To Water Week 16: Adventure?
"The soul thrives on adventure. Deprived of adventure, our optimism fails us."
Interesting.
As is the idea that inner-artist rebellion may take the form of "self-involved crankiness."
And…."When we avoid risk, we court depression."
Man, I am struggling my way through this book.
Man, I am struggling my way through this life right now.
Oof.
Rising to the top of my consciousness this week is…my inability to send my work out into the world. The inability to…finish things to my satisfaction and to share them. Along with this realization, I wish I could say that there has been an answering wave of creative energy and bravery. But alas….I find the opposite is true.
There is no energy.
There is barely the energy to come here and attempt a post.
I am depressed.
There.
I said it.
Now what?
The good news is that I know one thing.
I know that the only constant in life is CHANGE.
I know that I will emerge from this.
I am reading the book.
I am working the tasks.
I also have another challenge that takes me away from my … "Self-involved crankiness."
I’m helping a friend edit his first book.
I think that book, and maybe this book as well, are saving my life right now.
Sorry I can’t seem to talk about it much.
On we go. ~p
Walking My Way To Water Week 15: Perspective…And Why Making Shit Makes Us Feel Better
OK….OK….
Of course I don’t mean making SHIT.
I mean MAKING….CREATING…
I mean EXPRESSING our Selves.
I mean, as “Neil Himself” says…. making good Art (See Below)
Hullo Sweeties…
This week Julia took me on a ride through yet more interesting territory – exploring the idea that Art is medicinal for all and that we, as artists are cultural healers.
Cool beans.
But tough again for me.
I marked a LOT of stuff with the ole highlighter this week. Much to ponder. And much to note, slip below my skin and let rest there without so much pondering.
Perhaps, I am beginning to think, I ponder too much.
Here’s my favourite two bits from section one of this chapter….
We are trained to pick at ourselves, to rectify ourselves, to label ourselves. Most of our religions emphasize the notion of original sin. Most–not all–of our therapies center around our wounds and not our gifts. Some, not all, of our 12-Step recovery can center on our character defects and not our assets.
And…
Far more than self-scrutiny or self-correction, self-expression may be the key to a much more synthesized and effective sense of self.
Bells going off for anyone else?
I sicken myself with self-scrutiny.
I grow tired of my own self-obsession – focussed always on my flaws and weaknesses and searching ever for ways to “be better” “do more”….blah blah flippin’ blah.
This chapter has a section that I will need to return to again and again.
So rich and full I coloured it with three colours of highlighters.
She named the section Art is Therapeutic, Not Therapy.
With all my self-scrutiny and soul searching and with the ongoing struggle to quell the voice inside of me that regularlly whispers or screams out incessantly her certainty that there is something seriously flawed with ME, I have had my share of therapy. Therapy has helped me. It will probably continue to help me. In short….I am all for therapy.
That said…
I also know that I tend to get tied up in knots a lot, turning things over and over in my wee brainbox, trying to see all the sides of a situation. Trying to see what is MY Part of this and what might be …someone else’s shite…and…and…and….
I’ve been a bit…. Blue… for the past few weeks.
There is a deep sadness upon me and I’ve been spending a heck load of time running cerebral circles and wondering if it is time, yet again to seek out a new therapist.
Miz Julia has given me a wee perspective whack with this section. Maybe, right now, it isn’t therapy I need so much as a kick in the creativity-pants.
Maybe I just need to make some shit.
Therapy aims at making us normal. Art aims at expressing our originality. The norm has nothing to do with it.
Enlightened therapies urge us to “accept how we feel.” Art teaches us to express how we feel and so alchemize it.
…
Therapy adjusts us to the world. Art adjusts the world itself.
Holy fuck, right? Art adjusts the world itself.
How about….
Therapy constructs a self; Art presupposes and asserts a self.
Here’s what I know.
This woman has done some serious thinking, feeling, creating around these ideas. This woman has been in and has benefited from various forms of therapy and 12-Step groups and is ALSO a prolific, talented artist.
She knows whereof she speaks.
I know whereof she speaks.
I’m betting that many of YOU know whereof she speaks.
There is a time to every purpose under heaven.
Sometimes it is time for therapy.
Sometimes it is time to hunker down with fellow travellers in a 12-Step room.
Always it is time to create.
Making shit makes us feel better. Always.
Making shit helps us understand things on a deeper level than just sittin’ round PONDERING the sitch.
There is much I will continue to mull over in this chapter.
But today….today I need to go and MAKE something in a different vein than making this post.
Today I need to go and make something without words.
Today is… alchemy day.
Carry on ~p
Walking My Way To Water Week 14: Sense of Proportion (Go ask Alice…)
This was a difficult week for me.
Julia dives right in, as usual, stating…
As you redraw the boundaries and limits within which you have lived, you draw yourself to a fuller size.
My hackles raise….Yeah, well OBVIOUSLY. Duh. But what if I don’t want to redraw any boundaries? What if I’m fine just the size and shape I am, huh? Huh?
I find the whole notion of…allowing my Self to be bigger….incredibly annoying…and, yeah, terrifying I guess.
I feel this reaction within me and I am curious about it. Then I read the aim of this week’s work…
…bolstering the sense of a realistic self in the face of difficulty and discounting.
Oh crap.
I know exactly where she is heading, and I know damned well why my spidey senses are tingling.
She is taking aim at my gristle. One of my most deeply imbedded toxins. One of loops that runs in my head constantly (still) is the dreaded “Who do you think you are?” chant.
Frack me.
Ah well….best get on with it…
IDENTITY
Julia nails my early life, calling it…
…Growing up in the funhouse… where our soul’s aspirations are mirrored back to us in a distorted and distorting fashion that makes them appear egotistical and unrealistic: “Don’t get too big for your britches,” “Who do you think you are?”
And there it is…. The chant…
I love that phrase “growing up in the funhouse.” It cuts to the heart of it. To the strangeness of what is reflected back to kids whose parents are…having a rough go of it… And are unable to really nurture the uniqueness that each young human.
Growing up in the funhouse. That has to be a book title, right?
The horror…the horror.
But I digress…
Back to this book…
Part of us knows we’re more than they see; part of fears we’re less than we hope.
Yep.
All of us need and require accurate Believing Mirrors.
…
These mirrors are held by people large enough and expansive enough spiritually not to be threatened by the size and grandeur of another artist shaking out her sizable wings.
Who-say-what-now? A Believing Mirror. Sounds good, yeah?
And I love the image of shaking out my sizable wings!
Shake-shake-Shake
I shake off the fear here, knowing that, yes, I have also had THIS.
I do.
I have this.
I actually have a couple of Believing Mirrors. Great, wonderful, talented, friends who believe in me and encourage me and…yeah, reflect back something to me that is actually WAY bigger and brighter than anything I would normally see for myself of my Self.
To those of you who save my life on a regular basis, I say, “Thank ye!”
We are inhabited by a larger life than we know. As we doubt our own identity, that identity is still guiding us, still nudging us to our rightful path…. Something larger and finer than we know calls us to be larger and finer than we dare.
I like that.
And I love this…
We make art not only to make our way in the world but also to make something of ourselves, and often the something that we make is a person with an inviolable sense of inner dignity. We have answered yes when our true name was called.
Yes indeed…
Answer yes!
And, moving on….
BECOMING LARGER
Frightened of being big-headed and egotistical, we seldom ask, “Am I being too limited, too small for who I really am?” Expansion can be frightening. Growth can feel foreign, even “wrong.”
…
Like Alice after she ate the mushroom, we experience shifts in size as hallucinogenic events. One day we will feel very large and competent. The next day we will feel that yesterday’s grander size was just grandiosity and that we are really much smaller and wobbly than we knew.
Here’s the thing…
Mostly, this week, I am feeling small and wobbly.
This… sucks… of course.
But I am taking aim very consciously at that thing we learned in chapter one…. The idea of Appreciating what I already am instead of the constant f’ing exausting striving striving striving always to do more and to thereby BE more.
Like I said, it’s been a rough week, man.
I have been…sad a LOT this week, and I’m not exactly sure WHY.
But even in the midst of this feeling of exhaustion and depression, confusion and downright worthlessness feeling…. This idea Of JC’s is helping me.
I come to my morning scribble (or another scribble later in the day) and when I hear the negativity… I flip into…“OK, Pam. STOP. Shift focus. What have you DONE today, already?” And I list the simple doings already accomplished and I really LOOK at them, and…. I feel better.
I feel A BIT better.
It is enough. For right now.
Julia goes on to say…
We are spiritual beings, and when our spirit grows larger, so must we. There will be no comfortable resting in yesterday’s definition of ourselves…we must cooperate or feel the pitch of spiritual dis-ease. We can try to play small, but if the universe has big plans for us, we are better off cooperating than resisting.
Hmm…spiritual dis-ease…
I hear a ringing in my ears.
As we surrender to becoming as large as we are meant to be, great events can come to pass for us and countless others.
Hear that, Pam?
COUNTLESS OTHERS!
You know this to be true, yes?
Yes.
I do.
I do know this.
And I know that writing about this, will be….of use… for countless others.
And so, though the urge right now is to return to my bed and cover up my head, I am here, typing this to send to you.
On we go…
TRANSFORMATION
The notion that we can control our path is pushed on us by advertisements and by books and by experts who promise us we can learn to control the uncontrollable….experience teaches that life, and especially life in the arts is as much about mystery as it is about mastery. To be successful we must learn to follow not the leader, but our own inner leadings…
…
As we let go of our ego’s demands to be totally in charge, we slip gently and quietly into a series of changes that we may set in motion by our own hand but experience as the hand of the Great Creator working through us. As we are inwardly directed, a direction emerges.
OK. I sorta get this.
But then she says…
When we begin to see that we can actually change our life, we often panic.
And I get confused. Is she saying we CAN CONTROL our path?
My head aches.
I look back over her words… And a dim light shines into my murk…
I think, maybe, what she is saying is that we need to “let go and let God” as they say, and in this very act of letting go of the ILLUSION of control, we step onto a new path that triggers this CHANGE she speaks of.
Rings familiar… Rings of ancient and not so ancient wisdom that I have read and heard over and over. Maybe this time it will sink in.
Your panic does not mean you are crazy, just that you feel it….If you are panicked, tell yourself, “Ah! Good sign: I am getting unstuck.”
Oh good. Great. I shall begin to repeat this each morning when I wake to darkness covered in The Fears.
…We are in the process of becoming what we already are–perfect creations of a perfect creator.
Oh, how I want to truly deeply KNOW this.
Art, and artful living, is a constant collaboration between what we are made from and what we wish to make of ourselves. As we open ourselves consciously to inspiration and instruction as to our truest current form, we are led not only to creativity bit also to comfort.
Yes please.
May there be comfort.
~~o~~
Doings CHICKEN:
MORNING PAGES:
- My anchor practice of life.
- I hold tight to them
ARTIST DATE:
- I count a lovely hour long walk I took in the bush as my artist date this week. I set the time aside and took water and a lunch. Walked. Sat in a few clearings and listened/gazed upon the world. Restful and lovely.
WEEKLY WALKS:
- Walked most days (20-30 min)
- The days I walk are the “best” days. I know this. But I still allow time to slip away somehow and miss walking on occasion.
- Walking alone is best, but company can be fun.
- This week, I had a lot of mind-racing show up on my walks. To counteract the Fears, I would stop and LOOK at a plant, or tree, or rock, or swift flowing water. This helps.
TASKS:
- Identify Your Identity
- Size Shifting (with a Wish List suggesting small actions to take)
- Shape Shifting (and comfortingand encouraging our inner artist)
- I’m enjoying how the TASKS in this book are part of each section instead of all bunched at the end of the chapter. I am doing them as I go along and enjoying the fact that A. I do them all and B. It slows the pace at which I devour the material.
Which reminds me of my Favourite Quoted thing from this chapter…
An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory – Friedrich Engels
So true.
And the doing of tasks in midst of my reading is adding action to theory in a delicious way.
Smart woman, that Julia.
~~o~~
Last but never least…
MY PERSONAL NUGGET (to bake in and carry away):
Tucking this into my pocket…to read over and over again on my walks…and throughout the day…
I am in the process of becoming what I already am — a perfect creation of a perfect creator.
Wishing you all a lovely week-end.
Happy Trails ~p
Life is what happens…
...when we're busy making other plans.
Just a quick note to let you know that I shan't be making a Walking My Way to Water post this week.
In truth, I haven't even managed to READ chapter two yet.
Just life jazz, family jazz, helping out jazz.
For the past few days, we’ve been hanging out here….
In Sault St Marie.
Today, I took a much needed walk. Wandered up the road to an art supply store.
Oh the drooling…
I bought a lovely purple pen, a sewing awl (for sewing leather), some gesso and some big brushes (for playing in art journals), and 100 corks for a secret mission.
This was a totally wonderful Artist date 🙂
Let us hope that the weekend finds me diving back into Julia’s world.
Walk on.
Write on.
I’ll be back soon.
Go easy ~p
Walking My Way to Water Week 13: Origins
Hey Gang
Welcome to Week One of my journey though Julia Cameron’s Walking in This World (Week Thirteen of Walking My Way to Water).
Sorry it is… a bit later than I’d planned. It has been hard getting … started again. May this be a good start and may my momentum increase….
In we go…
We begin… at the beginning, with ourselves. With who we are right now — at this time, in this place. If we have been neglecting, evading or avoiding any aspect of our selves or our creativity, this week’s readings and tasks aim to help us reconnect with our ORIGINs and thereby our ORIGINALITY.
Sounds good to me.
Like the fella (aka Robert Louis Stevenson) said:
To be what we are, and to become what we are capable of becoming, is the only end of life.
Or like that other fella said…
~~o~~
WHAT JUMPED OUT FOR ME… (and why)
Setting Out:
This section is about getting started…and restarted. I smile and repeat my favourite phrase from my meditation and writing practices…. “Begin again.” And again and again….
Some things that landed deep for me…
Instead of thinking about conquering an art form, think instead of kissing it hello, wooing it, exploring it in small, enticing steps.
Isn’t that lovely?
All we need to do is…
…Begin. And then begin again the next day.
And therein, my friends, lies the entire trick to this life (as an artist and a human) – begin again the NEXT day.
Creativity is inspiration coupled with initiative. It is an act of faith, and in that phrase, the word “act” looms as large as the “faith” that it requires.
There’s a great bit in this section where she talks about over thinking our work, and jumping ahead to the finish line before we have even made a start. How we aim the arrow of our desire, we pull back on the bow and then… we stop to reconsider whether we are aiming EXACTLY right. We dither until our arm begins to shake and then we let loose and the arrow does not fly true.
It’s a combination of things that skews our aim. The dithering about whether we are “doing it right” and the fact that our entire focus is on the desired outcome and not on the process that will get us there. We all know that too much thinking and needing to “get it perfect” can kill inspiration. It’s good for me to be reminded that if we focus solely on the PRODUCT instead of the step by step PROCESS we can lose our way. We must always keep our True Intention clear.
Julia says,
We forget that intention is what creates direction. If we aim with the eye of our heart “That I desire to do” — then we aim truly and well.
… Horseback riders who jump the Grand Prix fences of terrifying heights talk of “throwing their heart” over the fence so their horse jumps after it.
That picture… the horse following the rider’s heart… smacked me hard upside the head. I’ve had the blessing of spending time with horses, and lemme tell ya – you need to be careful with what you ask of them. A horse who has chosen you is so loyal and so noble that it will run itself to death for you if you let it.
As for throwing my heart over the fence…. I know in my BONES that this is what is required of me as a writer.
I know this.
And I fear….I fear that sometimes, in these last few years, I have let my head override my heart. I so want to finish Sanctuary. I truly do. But… the WHY seems to shift. I want to finish it because…
- It feels like it has been in the works forever and if I don’t publish SOMETHING soon I will lose all credibility as a professional writer.
- I hope to… sell it and make some money.
- I need to prove that I can create a world entirely from my imagination and THIS IS THAT WORLD.
These are OK reasons, I suppose. But I can see now that they are also…. Incredibly fear based. And they cause me to freeze up or go down the wrong path entirely.
In the beginning, this is how I described the novel…
It’s a story of old loves, old hates, and a community’s memory; of human connections and disconnects. The characters test the strength (or weakness) of blood ties; discover the power of choice and the consequences of their decisions. It’s a tale about impossible dreams, self-delusion, and the nature of sanctuary. It’s also about heroism and getting away with murder. It’s about how we find, or make, a home and whether we can change our fate.
It’s that final sentence, I think, that holds the truth of my HEART’S AIM for this tale.
It’s about how we find, or make, a home and whether we can change our fate.
May I hold to it.
(I am so gonna make this sentence my screen saver and print it out and stick it EVERYWHERE when I begin work on the next draft of Sanctuary).
And…. another snipped from Julia to bring this home…
So much of the difficulty with beginning lies in our perception that we have “so far to go.”
We have separated art from process into product—“so far to go until it is finished”—when we think like that and we have also separated ourselves from God.
When we are afraid to begin, it is always because we are afraid we are alone—tiny, like little Davids facing giant Goliaths. But we are not alone.
Boom Cha-ka-la-KA.
She hits a bulls-eye for me (again).
Commitment:
Here’s a thing….
Very often, calling it professionalism, we become too busy to make art for art’s sake. We are committed to a certain careerist, professional agenda and we tell ourselves that is all we have energy or time for.
This is false.
When we make art we love, it makes time and energy available to us for our professional pursuits.
Why? Because we feel more vital, and that vitality is assertive energy that makes room for its own desires.
Say what now?
So if I stop trying … wrestle Sanctuary into some kind of… semblance of what I think might SELL… then I might actually finish it and LIKE it again? (my brain just SCREAMED “DO NOT POST THAT!” But there it is people… the TREWS.)
Here’s another bit of lovely…
Commit to playing the music you love, and the music of life becomes more lovely. Just as making love can quite literally make love, so, too, making art—a form of the verb “to be”—can quite literally make art out of being.
The art of creative living, like the actor’s art is a moment-to-moment receptivity, a harmonious leaning into the melodic structure of existence….
Those who create for love—like the devotees who practice their spiritual tradition with ardor—give off a certain undefinable something that is attractive, and it attracts to them their good.
Come good.
Oh come.
To us all.
She maintains that…
Art triggers abundance, but it triggers it in diverse forms. Our cash flow may not immediately increase, but our opportunity flow will increase. So will many benevolent coincidences or synchronicities that will enrich our lives and our art if we let them. Receptivity is key….
And the thing I may love BEST from this chapter, which has proved true to me over and over in this life of mine…
We are like songbirds. When one of us gives voice to our true nature, it is contagious and others give tongue as well.
LOVE that. (And immediately copied it and shared on twitter and fbook)
This is one of the TRUEST things I KNOW.
Snow:
This section is about finding… rest. A rest that feeds us — creatively.
We could take a cue from music here: “Rest” is a musical term for a pause between flurries of notes. Without a tiny pause, the torrent of notes can be overwhelming. Without a rest in our lives, the torrent of our lives can be the same.
… As artists, we must serve our souls, not our egos. Our souls need rest.
… As artists, it serves us to consciously find windows into the world of wonder—we must locate places that open the trapdoor in our imagination and allow the breath of greater worlds to enter our too-claustrophobic lives.
Like galleries, libraries, museums, Burning Man or maybe…. THIS PLACE. (If you just see a dark square when you click the link…it is night time at the Vancouver aquarium, try again later. It is so worth it.)
And yes, safety and rest come in many many forms.
I like the jelly-cam and I also like baking bread and colouring and long walks (which may not seem like REST but for me they totally ARE).
~~o~~
THE WORKINGS… (Tools and Tasks)
Morning Pages:
Yes indeedy – each and every day. They remain the mainstay of my survival.
I come to the page with my morning beverage and breakfast plate. I dive in and always emerge refreshed and a wee bit clearer on what small action is MOST IMPORTANT for the day. To move, even INCH, towards the She that I will Be.
Walking:
Missed a few days and boy-o-boy do I notice when I do.
The walking is so important to my state of mind and body.
Artist Date:
I struggle a bit with Artist Dates…. Not wanting to always…go spend money somewhere. Last week (Wednesday) I did spend a WEE bit. Went wandering in the Bargain Store and found some tempera paints on sale. Was hoping to spend THIS Wednesday in the Writing Burrow/Studio and play with them.
Allowed ole Life to get in the way.
Blergh.
Tasks:
Three tasks in this chapter….
- What the Hell (You Might as Well): List 20 small creative actions you could take in your life right now. Did it and even did some of the actions. Wooooot!
- Express Yourself: List 10 positive adjectives to describe yourself and then write a personal ad using the terms you listed to create a positive and provocative picture of your uniqueness. Did it. Fun and enlightening to shift my view of some things that others might see as… eccentricities or deficiencies that have actually been STRENGTHS for me in this lifetime.
- Do Nothing: I’ve yet to do this one. But I am gonna do it TODAY, before I begin reading Chapter Two.
The instructions are…
Take 15 minutes.
Cue up music that is both calming and expansive.
Lie down. Rest comfortably and let your imagination speak to you. Follow your thoughts wherever they go. Listen to the music and to your thoughts gently unspooling and repeat to yourself this gentle phrase…
“I am enough…. I am enough….”
Stop striving to be more and appreciate what it is you already are.
I’m gonna do it, in the Writing Burrow, as soon as I hit POST on this puppy.
~~o~~
MY PERSONAL NUGGET(S)…
So simple…. So clear… So in need of repeating to myself over and over and over….
“Stop striving to be more and appreciate what it is you already are.”
And … Seriously, Pam….
“Throw your heart over the fence!”
~~o~~
That is all, my pretties.
May you have a wonderful week.
I hope to see you next Friday… but we shall see what life holds.
Go easy ~p
PS…. Sunday is my birthday. I am turning 50. Can you believe it?????
SOLVITUR AMBULANDO: Rebooting the Walking My Way to Water adventure…
Greetings my people!
Deepest apologies for my long absence.
As you know, I’ve been traveling and I met a very clever thief on the metro in Mexico City who relieved me of my ipad and thereby halted my blog postings from the road. The trip was wonderful and though the loss of the ipad still PAINS me, it was also nice to disconnect for a time. I filled four notebooks with my scribblings and even drew some noodley-doodles along the way.
The Raggedy Man and I have been home for just over a week and it finally feels like my soul is catching up with me. Hoorah.
As I begin to get my feet under me again here at the Shaky Shack, I blow a layer of dust off of Julia Cameron’s The COMPLETE Artist’s Way and move into book two – Walking in This World.
When I began posting about my adventures in The Artist’s Way (TAW), I worried that it might be seen as… foolish. That maybe I should keep this journey to myself, even though crafting the posts was… taking me deeper into the material. I knew that blogging my journey was useful for me, but I also thought… “Oh Lord, if folks read this, they will just think I’m crazy, or lame, or something.”
Typical Pam thinking, right?
Before you blast me one for my negative thinking, let me report that these silly thoughts/doubts have been duly EASED by a raft of wonderful emails I received while I was on the road. They flew in from all over the globe – from friends, from folks I knew in the way-back and had somehow… misplaced over the years, and from total strangers who are now turning into new friends via the interwebs. They all spoke of how… encouraged they were by my blog, especially the Walking My Way to Water posts.
And oh my dears…. I do believe my heart grew four sizes with each email.
I send out a big big THANKS to those of you wrote, and to those of you who take the time to drop a comment. And for those of you who read and remain silent – a special thanks for you as well. I value your time and am grateful that you stop by now and again to listen to my ramblings.
And so…. As I continue to work my way through Julia’s books on creativity as a spiritual practice, I will take up my weekly postings again. And again – I extend an ear and an open heart to any of you who are also making your way though the books or simply working out your own creative salvation. Let’s yack about this creativity thing – Drop me a line, or leave a comment or a link to your own workings.
I’ll begin with basically the same template I used for our discussions of TAW.
1. WHAT JUMPED OUT FOR ME… (and why)… being quotes from the book and my own blatherings.
2. A quick chicken (check in) on how I did with THE WEEKLY WORKINGS… (Tools and Tasks)
- -Morning Pages
- Walking (I’m into the daily walking already, those who don’t already walk each day are advised to start with a weekly walk)
- Artist Date
- Tasks done (or not done)
And finally the thing I find by creating these blog posts…
3. MY PERSONAL NUGGET… Being the thing I tuck into my bag of treasures to carry off – the strongest… “take-away” if you like that lingo.
~~o~~
To begin then…
Julia says it best in the introduction….
Walking in This World is intended as a gentle pilgrimage. We will move issue to issue, walking and talking about the deeper concerns of our souls.
First thing I notice is the shift in the language she uses for the titles of each chapter. Whereas the chapters in TAW were about RECOVERING a sense of… Safety, Identity, Power…etc. Walking in This World chapters are about DISCOVERING a sense of….
• Week One – Origin
• Week Two – Proportion
• Week Three – Perspective
• Week Four – Adventure
• Week Five – Personal Territory
• Week Six – Boundaries
• Week Seven – Momentum
• Week Eight – Discernment
• Week Nine – Resilience
• Week Ten – Camaraderie
• Week Eleven – Authenticity
• Week Twelve – Dignity
We are moving on, developing as Artists and I like the idea of slipping out of recovery mode into discovery mode.
I also like the addition of the Weekly Walk as a tool to be used each week. I’ve always been a fan of the idea of “Solvitur ambulando” (it is solved by walking).
I’ll begin reading today, with a plan to post each Monday.
Care to come along?
go easy ~p
Hard to say goodbye…
[no gallery]
Written in the Primera Plus waiting room, awaiting the night bus to Mexico City.
It's always hard to say goodbye...
Much thanks to our fabulous hosts, Rod and Sharyn, for a fabulous visit.
Places I read
some places i hang out
Pam Bustin 