I So don’t want to be here.

Not here, as in on the beautiful bay but… yeah, sometimes that too.

Not here, as in on this earth but… well it do get tiring now and again don’t it.  I cannot tell a lie.

But mostly… today… I mean here on this blogthing.

Why?  Well… because I don’t feel like “checking in”  I feel like the week was so full of suckage that I don’t even want to look to look at it.  Not real, painful suckage.  Just… boring… mediocrity…

A week where PatheticPam ruled the universe!

Oof.

I hate her.  I can’t even say I hate her with a passion ~ because one of her powers is sucking all the passion OUT of me.  Out of everything.  Making every f’ing thing a bore, a drag, a drudge.  I am a drudge.  I am a drudgeface.  That is all.  Goodbye.

No.  I am just…

I dunno.

I just want to go now and watch tv online.  Maybe some Dr. Who or something.  Maybe plug in some Firefly or watch Serenity again.  Maybe Just do the dishes.

I dunno.

Oh for crying in the sink.  Just DO this, Bustin.  It’s not that freaking hard and it doesn’t have to be a huge deal.  Just DO it.

Fine.

Doing it.

The Quick Chicken (The Doings that help me with the Being):

• Walks: 1?  Maybe?  Could this be a clue?
• Guitar: 0  Mmm hmm.
• Yoga/Meditation: 2/7 – so cold so cold so what you are a suckypants!
• Work on NIP: Fell down fell down fell down.  3/5

THIS WEEK’S EXPERIMENT:

Did I have one?  Uhh… NO. ahhh… could this be another clue?

The Result: PatheticPam took over your HEAD and your BODY and your freaking SOUL.

And…OK then… how the hell did the the rest of the week go?

What worked? (THE THIng to bake in)

Umm… something must’ve worked, right?  I’m still HERE right?  The world has not collapsed or anything.

Um… birthday brunch worked.  Yeah.  That SO worked.  Yesterday we took my MiL out for her birthday.  She is 84.  She had a lot of fun and took dessert home for later.

There’s a thing to do.

Take dessert home for later.  Heh heh.

AND… another thing that worked was “declaring REFUGE!” in the middle of this gawdforsaken week and taking to my bed with a book for a few hours.  I thought it would be all day, but I ended up rising up, working out my second class assignment and drafting up an application for a Writer’s Retreat.  YAY for Refuge!

Next time I might…

Take a dessert for myself as well.

AND… declare “Refuge!” earlier.

THE GNARBLY BITS:

• the cold
• the wind
• the cold
• the wind
• the c…. ok ok …
• the dreads about dollars
• the dreads about failure
• the dready dready dread dreads (and YES i understand why the dreads have reared their ugly heads – it’s because I fell down fell down fell down.  I KNOW IT.  sigh.)
• this horrible feeling that it is all just… stupid.  This blog, the work, the … good lord ~ give that girl a SHAKE will ya?

SHAKE IT OFF! SHAKE IT OFF!

THE TASTY BITS:

• The class I’m taking.  It’s fun. I’m enjoying the resources to read and listen to and watch.  The forum is hard to really get into discussions on.  Maybe I need to try harder.  It’s time consuming as there is no way to filter things so you can zero in on a convo.  You basically have to subscribe to the entire thread via your email and then…. a bazillion emails and… the wading through them makes me a bit cranky. Maybe I just need to … find a better way.
• Chatting with friends on email.  This is good.
• Chatting with my sweet Raggedy Man and having him here with me to love up and to love me up = lifesaving.
• Completing 2 assignments for class.
• Pulling together an application for a short residency in Saskatchewan.
• best moose meatloaf EVAH!
• Taking MiL out for brunchy (as stated above but bears repeating)
• Changing the blog…ever so slightly… finally
• And…. doing THIS – it really does … work… (“well…surprise surprise, surprise!”  says SnarkyPam)  I feel much better,  even just doing this quickly… without the usual snoop through the Scrib.  That Havi Brooks is surely onto something 😉
  

NEXT WEEK’S Playful EXPERIMENT:

Take a walk, girl.  Take a walk take a walk take a walk.

Okey dokey, Smokies.  I’m out.

I shall leave you with a lil Dr. Suess who was born on this day!

Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!

go easy ~p

In homage to Havi’s Friday Chickens over on the The Fluent Self — This is the place I review my week – in an attempt to track some things – like progress on my novel and… living intentionally. I shake out my week and lay it out. Let the hard burn off and the good sink in. Call it an experiment in paying attention.

Feel free to join in – leave in a comment – shake it – bake it – drive a stake in it.