February … continues…
If you haven’t noticed, It’s been a rather … hard month for me up here at the shaky shake. But it has also been a good month.
There is much to be found in the deep dark. If, as a good friend reminded me, you trust that you will find your way and re-emerge into the light bearing treasures.
I’ve been pondering the… usefulness of these weekly check ins (chickens!). Sometimes I think they are… silly… and yet…There is something in them that… soothes my passage.
I like the ritual of reviewing the week.
I am still seeking the proper/most comfortable/most EASEfull way to do this – for me.
A few weeks ago, I began going through the SCRIB each Friday after finishing my Writing Hours and marking things. Typing things in to various folders/files/docs on Tippy the Typer. Sorting. Storing. Turning the stones over in my hands.
The past couple of weeks – I’ve just gone through and typed the STAND OUT bits into one doc – bits of which can later be copied out into the “place they belong”.
This review takes me a while.
But it’s good.
So far, the biggest thing I’ve noticed is that I often think things are worse than they really are. That I am lazier than I really am. That I have DONE far less than I have actually done. That I just sat here and did NOTHING for an entire week, when, in fact, all manner of things went on. Cool things. Good things. Hard things too.
Luckily MOST of it gets captured somehow – often sideways or on the fly – in the Scrib.
I’ve realized that a small miracle has occurred and I believe that this blog and the Shake and Bakes are part of the magic.
It is not a report card.
It is simply and profoundly… a noticing.
A celebration of the evolution of this life.
A review for the purpose of… noting that I am indeed nosing ahead on various fronts.
That is all.
Staying grounded. Full of grace. We move through the days with ease. We move forward, always. With ease. Hard work, consistent work, and ease.
A time of deep exploring began for me last April, when I settled in to work on this new book.
Exploring the work.
Exploring my purpose – as a writer, a woman, a human on the earth in these times.
And ~ in a big way ~ exploring the rhythms of life here on the Bay.
How fabulous it is.
Having had a taste of living here and writing everyday I realize that I do indeed love it! And it is what I want to do ~ for a good long while yet.
I have found the happy making rhythm. For me.
That is huge, right?
I love waking early and coming to the Scrib.
I love the yoga/med ritual I’ve established
I love love LOVE the writing hours (and need them)
I love the walking and noticing the world… the land, the sky, the animals
I continue work on:
I am listening to the body ~ this body – my body ~ and when my body needs rest, I am allowing it. Embracing it, even.
I have not gotten sick this winter. That in itself is another small miracle.
The best days, weeks, months, are when all the DOINGS come together. This is clear.
The waking, walking, writing. The yoga meditation and guitar. The making and eating of food.
These DOINGS are all nurturing things.
Even the 2 hours of “WORK TIME” is entirely nourishing. The 2 hour FOCUSSED container works for me. It is doable and I get enough done in that focussed time to keep the dreads at bay and to visibly see the NIP grow. This is so good. I can’t even tell you how the dreads crippled me – for years.
These things are all a part of growing into …. (be careful, this is where we may tip off the deep end into truly hippy-dip stuff)… the wise old crone that I would become. I call her Ela. As in I am Pam ~ she is Ela. Together we are Pamela. (told you it was hippy dip)
The doings are all connected with being in the now. Accepting.
And flexibility too.
Like… “Go walk now, while the sun is out… When you come back, you will do the Work Hours because this has become the natural rhythm of your day. You will do it because it is simply… what you do, each day.”
The doings are no longer chores.
They are the natural rhythms of my day.
How friggin’ miraculous is THAT???
OK – enough with the hippy dip.
Down to the nitty grit.
There were ups and downs, as always.
I do believe that a first draft must sprawl and reach and embrace the zig zag. It must roar out of us all a rush…. mostly.
I fear that with this one ~ the bones of the first skeleton are still hemming me in. Twisting things. Stopping the flow.
I don’t know.
I only know… there is something… not… here… yet.
Sometimes the workmanlike days are the most soothing. The days spent transferring notes from the Scrib or from the margins of the hard copy into the typer. Word by word. Change by change. The world forms under my hands. These are good days.
The soaring days are good too. But they are also… scary. And always, the fear is that I won’t be able to stay aloft.
Better, sometimes, to work down here in the mud.
And by the end of the week… a gift floated down or rose up. A bit of clarity. Huzzah!
But still….there remains a big big question and I do not have the answer.
And so… the plan is to … back up back up back up…
and take another run at it.
Around the books… the poetry… the plays… the work… is always the life lived. And, of course it is this life that feeds the work.
This seems so simple and yet… it strikes me deeply.
I would be a writer who brings this life into the work.
I don’t mean the details of this or that, but… I mean…
I would write more than … just… entertainments.
I would have them be… guidebooks, maps…
Yes. That’s it.
That is what a really good story is.
A companion ~ who stays with us.
I will find my way through.
Day by day and the book will come.
I long for poetry – for myself.
And another idea begins to form…
I long to find my way to a simple set of stories that could be a companion for a year. To carry one through a year. A book you could begin whenever, but that would carry you through the moons of one year.
So, I will do it… this year… for myself. I will watch the passing of the moons and see what emerges.
I will follow this for myself this year.
And if it is worth sharing
I’ll keep you posted.
Thanks for stopping by.
Enjoy the weekend and don’t forget – the moon will shine full on Monday. Don’t forget to look up.
Go easy ~p
In homage to Havi’s Friday Chickens over on the The Fluent Self — This is the place I review my week – in an attempt to track some things – like progress on my novel and… living intentionally. I shake out my week and lay it out. Let the hard burn off and the good sink in. Call it an experiment in paying attention. Feel free to join in – leave in a comment – shake it – bake it – drive a stake in it.
Kim Fahner's Blog
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Poetry & Handbound Artist's Books
explorations in creativity
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