har·um-scar·um (hâr m-skâr m, h r m-sk r m). adj. Lacking a sense of responsibility; reckless. adv. With abandon; recklessly.
Hey ya Hi ya…
I’m finding it … odd… and slightly… uncomfortable… to shift these Check In Chickens to a more moony cycle. I like the fact that it is increasing my awareness of the moon, but I must confess that it’s still a bit discombobulating to be marking the quarters instead of the week.
I was jussssst falling into the ritual of doing a check in every Friday and then… some weeks, getting myself entirely offline for the “weekends”. Now… it all depends on the mooooooon. I wonder how long it will take to fall into this new ritual with any kind of comfort.
We shall see.
Today marks the first Quarter of Ice Coming In Moon. The snow is here, but the ice hasn’t captured the river yet. The water was tossing high on the shore this morning. Cold cold cold and grey…but still moving.
As for moi…. The biggest struggle this week has been to re-establish the writing rituals and get my BUTT IN THE CHAIR.
This has me… down. It weighs on me – bending me low like the whitey-white bends down the lilac bush in the garden.
I shook off the lilac bush.
I did a few big blitz writing days…no doubt in order to “catch up” to the tiny prod of NaNoWriMo.
But the needed…steady…. day by day work just hasn’t returned. blergh.
And, now as I sit here and tally up my “doings” totals… I realize that I also fell down on the meditation and yoga fronts.
So. There is also THAT.
I have no excuses. I know the things that make me feel good and I don’t seem to manage to do them. sigh.
I hereby mark the passage of the week and the “doings” there-in.
The Quick Chicken (The Doings that help me with the Being):
- Walk: 6/7
- Meditation: 3/7
- Writing Hours: 3/7 ~ out of sync…but words falling onto the page harum-scarum for the stories of the Fifth. The writing days feel so fricken good. I know this… so why do I neglect/avoid/run screaming to do ANYTHING but write? Dunno man. It’s the way it has always been for me. And when I work this way… I am full of a consistent DREAD and sense of failing failing failing. This is why I NEED the ritual of Writing Hours. And yes… I know that one would THINK that as I already know this and have PROVEN the effectiveness of doing the damned Writing Hours that I would DO the damned Writing Hours but… I sometimes don’t and that is the way it is.
BUT… I hereby shake off the guilty-guilt and start again with the rising energy of this moon phase. Yeah… that’s the ticket.
Things to Let Go of and Things to Nurture…
An intention to let go of the weight of guilt pushing pushing pushing, making me jump from this to that to the other and to hang my head in silly shame at days end.
An intention to Stop, Slow, focus on one thing at a time. One thing at a time. One thing at a time.
Feet on the earth. Grounded.
An intention to let go of the frenetic seeking.
An intention to keep breathing deep and following the scent of My Own Truth instead of always seeking seeking … chasing ever after wisdom from the outside world.
An intention to let go of the old tapes that play in my head. You know the ones I mean. The “not good enough” tape, the “who do you think you are” tape. The dancing prancing Monkey Mind that weaves stories of mad distraction.
An intention to listen…deeper. To follow the breath. To drop down into the body and listen from there.
An intention to release the salty… to let it go and to embrace it. To allow the grief for so many things.
I intend to continue the ritual of beginning each day with a glass of cool water, looking out over the darkness and waiting for the light. Watching the ice creep over the river.
An intention to let go of the judgement and embrace the wildness of the words flowing. To let the story find me. To follow follow follow the characters that show up and see what they have to offer..
Thanks for stopping by.
May we place our feet surely on the path before us.
May we breathe deeply of beauty and love.
May we burn bright and refresh each other in passing.
Go easy ~p