Shake and Bake 58 – The Best Laid Plans Edition

Ice Coming In Moon.

Full moon night.  Time of energy. Time of sight.

It’s been a lovely day, full of work and tasty soup.  I’ve worked outside – preparing ground for next year’s plantings.  I’ve worked inside – on moon pages in The Night Ravings journal.  I’ve done a good shift of “work work” on Sanctuary.  And now… here we are in the darknening time. Tonight I will do a wee full moon ritual – drawing down the moon, balancing my own energies and sending balance and healing vibes out to loved ones and the world at large.

It’s been another week of Ups and Downs… as always. The rain has returned and melted the snow.  The ice started coming in…and retreated.  Winter is slow in landing on the shores of the river.

Click on the pic below to scroll through a wee slideshow of the ice coming in and retreating…. closing with the grey day that was today.

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Freeze and thaw… Freeze and thaw…  The world is in transition – easing into winter.

My emotions have also been in turmoil too.  I’m angry, I’m sad, I’m this, I’m that, I’m the other.

The largest… upset… for me this week came in form of a cancelled train.

The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men
Gang aft agley,
An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promis’d joy!

I had my travel plans all tucked up safe for my trip South for the Silent Retreat at the Ontario Vipassana Centre.  But the world took a tip and we got a “PLOT TWIST!” moment.  The train I planned to ride home on Christmas Eve has been cancelled.

There was a scramble… and then there was weeping.

There was deciding not to go.

There was deciding I MUST go.

There was thinking, and praying and asking and thinking and… there was more weeping.

There was another big price tag item bought on credit (gulp) and… there is a new plan in place.  We now have Snow Tires on order and… unless I can find a ride-share with someone…  The Raggedy Man shall once again ride to my rescue and pick me up to bring me home.  He is my hero!

There has been a heap load of … old business… brought up within me by this whole situation.  It took me by surprise, to be honest.  There is a heap load of “stuff” tied up in attending this retreat.  And there is a heap load of work I still need to do on some of my… issues.

For as the poem goes on…

Still thou are blest, compared wi’ me!
The present only toucheth thee:
But och! I backward cast my e’e,
On prospects drear!
An’ forward, tho’ I canna see,
I guess an’ fear!

I long to keep myself as much as possible in the present and not bogged down in the horrors of the past, nor the terrors of the future.

And in aid of that – there’s this…The attempt to do the doings each day… and track them.

The Quick Chicken (The Doings that help me with the Being):

• Scribble:6/7
• Walk: 4/7
• Yoga:0/7
• Meditation:  6/7 I’m sitting for 1/2hr sessions almost every day.  Huzzah!

…and…

• Writing Hours: 5/7 ~ The work has been on a variety of fronts…and not always in the world of The Fifth.  This itches and irks a bit, as I long to dive headlong into this new world… but there are other bits of work calling and I have had to use my time as wisely as I can.  So… I’ve worked.  Let me be happy with that, and look forward to a time when I can truly immerse myself in that other world.  All in time… All in time.  I believe that.
  

I’m returning to the review of the gnarble and the tasty bits of my “week” as opposed to the thing I did last week.  I missed the gnarble/tasty list.  Compiling it is such a useful ritual for me.  And leads me straight on into Gratitude and Clear(er) Seeing.

I do I do I do I do want to keep my focus drifting over the Elements…but I haven’t found quite the right way in to a weekly use of them yet.  Five Five Five… Five bits of Gnarble and Five Tasty Bits?  Might work.  Let’s take it for a spin.

THE GNARBLE:

• Waves of sadness – knee weakening
• Waves of anger – burning hot
• Panic. Fear. Powerlessness – big heaping tangled KNOT of this shit
• Leading to…Confusion – not being able to even discern what I am FEELING…what I truly WANT.  Which is ancient.  This confusion is Old – old old and deep deep inside.  Still. and oh how THAT bites.
• The seeing and recognizing of old old patterns still alive and kicking.  Sigh.

THE SWEET N TASTY:

• The seeing and recognizing of old old patterns still alive and kicking.  Good because the seeing and recognizing means I can work on … LIFTING them… again.  DISSOLVING…ERASING… LETTING GO of…
• Friends who reached out to make sure I was OK when they sensed I wasn’t.  Thank you.
• Generous offers of aid from friends.  Thank you.
• Bravery, generosity, kindness and love from my sweet Raggedy Man.  Especially wonderful and wondrous is… the talking.  The talking. The talking.  Thank you.
• Sitting down this morning and taking the time to focus and think through the way way too many things I wanted to “get done” today… laying them all out in a prioritized way… and RE-Laying them out to truly reflect my priorities.  Took a bit of time, but felt rather… awesome.  I see so clearly that my first laying out was all about externals and the second laying out was more in line with what I REALLY feel is important.  Cool, non?

The Thing That Needs Baking In MOST (What WORKED):

The talking.  Always.  Let TRM and I always TALK to each other.  Let me not Retreat and Close Down.

This Week’s Playful INTENTION…

To employ today’s listing and RE-listing method each morning when I make my “to do” list.  In an attempt to Listen to the inner promptings and follow them – or at least be aware of them and whether they are in conflict with external promptings.

~~~~~

Thanks for stopping by.  Here’s a lil Bjork to light up your night.

Lyrics:

As the lukewarm hands of the gods

Came down and gently picked my adrenaline pearls
They placed them in their mouths
And rinsed all of the fear out
Nourished them with their saliva

Now I’m all rejuvenated and rested
Now I’m all rejuvenated and rested

As if the healthiest past-time
Is being in life-threatening circumstances
And once again be reborn

All birthed and happy
All birthed and happy
All birthed and happy
All birthed and happy

Best way to start-a-new
Is to fail miserably
Fail at loving
And fail at giving
Fail at creating a flow
Then realign the whole
And kick into the start hole

And kick into the start hole
And kick into the start hole

To risk all is the end all and the beginning all
To risk all is the end all and the beginning all

Go easy ~p