Today on Facebook a friend and fellow writer, Bethani Jade, tagged me in a post inviting me to share in a “self-love” writing challenge that she is doing. It brought up all sorts of….nasty sticky goo for me around my writing practice.
One of the things that ZOOOOOOOMED to forefront of my reptilian brain was … this blog. This silent, looming, blank day by blank day thing that I created and am now… neglecting.
Before I lose my nerve.
And before my over-active perfectionist gene kicks in and makes me write a whole DIFFERENT blog post… I’m just gonna copy in my reply to her…
She wrote about how she loves her OWN way with words. I especially love this …
I care more about writing bold, fluid, active lines than for form or structure. The lyrical quality of words is also far more important to me then the exact definition. I pay attention to how the tongue wraps around, and how the mind rests on each syllable.
She invited me and the fabulous Carla Atherton to join her in the self-love writing challenge.
And I responded….
Hey Bethani – oh how this makes me smile. Thank you for the invitation (and the challenge of it).
Wow… As I sit here, my stomach knots and I begin to sweat.
I am not feeling the self-love on the writing front these days at all at all…
I ask myself– why? I continue to write, each morning in my Scribble book and I am playing with a reVision on a story I wrote last year that I quite love. This is true—yes?
Yes this = true.
But the very thought of …. expressing self-love around my writing brings to my front brain all the writing I am NOT DOING or feel like I have FAILED at — the blog that runs silent, the novel that refuses to be written….. ouch ouch ouch.
I stop, take a breath and… Offer kindness to my sore writer self. And I see something. It is small, but it is alive.
The best I can come to, today, is that I continue to… Begin Again.
Every time I … lose my way, get lost in the weeds, I allow the piece(s) to rest and myself to rest (ha ha) and then… I begin again.
I blow across the ember and re-kindle the fire.
Sending a big wave of love and gratitude your way. May tasty words continue to thrill you.
Go easy ~p
Yep that is what I wrote and so …
I spent some time today working on that story and…
Here I am, beginning again with this blog thing.
And for today, this is ENOUGH.
And you can find Carla Atherton doing all kinds of wonderful work over at http://lotushealthproject.com
On we go ~p