Pam Bustin
creator, editor, story tender
Shake and Bake 75: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Shake and Bakes are my quarterly check-ins (CHICKENS!). I use these posts to … shake out the happenings of my work and my life in general in an attempt to Shake off the bad and Bake in the good. It’s about … gratitude, paying attention and living by the moon. Much thanks to HAVI over at the Fluent Self for inspiration and to APRIL at Big Sky Astrology for her monthly Working with the Moon booklets.
~~o~~ LAST QUARTER – Ice Going Out Moon ~~o~~
The ice remains….but I can hear it MELTING. I hear it. I do.
I’m a day late with my chicken….yesterday was gobbled up by a trip to town. Laundry, groceries and a trip to the taxman. I was simply exhausted! Heh heh.
And today – getting wild wild in the reVisions of the new book, so it will be a quick chicken so I can return to work some more before whipping up a lovely tofu stirfry for our dinner.
~~o~~
Reviewing my Intentions for this Moonth
Last quarter – a chance to tweak intentions, wrap things up, find rest and begin to dream for next moonth.
My main intention this moonth is:
To simply show up each day and see and hear and taste and smell and … BE with whatever the day offers up.
This has gone rather well, methinks.
I’ve also gone and taken on something newISH this last week.
I found a copy of One Day My Soul Just Opened Up: 40 Days and 40 Nights Toward Spiritual Strength and Personal Growth at the second hand store a few weeks ago. Now, I’ve been seeing this book … here and there … for years. It’s a bright book and I always pick it up and flip through it. And here was a copy all spanky clean and ready to be worked in. How could I resist. So I bought it and brought it home, and put it on the shelf beside my bed.
I kept looking at. Picking it up and flipping through.
Finally, six days ago, I decided to DO it. To take the 40 day challenge and work my way through the book.
And because I’m a lover of challenges and experiments with an end in sight, I added a few other things to this 40 day challenge.
- I am working through the book each day.
- I am showing up to the page each day (meaning, for this challenge, working on the reVisions to Sanctuary each and every day IN the Manuscript. Not taking off on research binges or doing other writerly business. I’m doing all that, as well, of course but my number one priority each day is to get into the MSS and move the reVisions forward)
- I am walking 3-5K each day
And today on my walk – I slipped these three challenges into … elemental areas.
Θ (theta) earth – home – touch
- The walking lands here in the physical, moving over the earth zone.
Φ (phi) air – relationships – scent
- The walking also lands here – in the breathing deep the air zone.
- My aim to do a bit of housey cleaning each day is also continuing.
Χ (chi) fire – work – vision
- As for my intention to Show up to the page. Here it is. Showing up and seeking the spark.
Ξ (ksi) water – health – taste
- And here it is as well – Showing up and seeking the Flow.
- I continue to pay attention to the food thing. The breakfast eating streak continues, and I’m working on getting in a good sized lunch and a smaller dinner.
Ψ (psi) quintessence – spirit – hearing/listening
- This is where the Soul book lands. Exploring and spending time thinking and writing about different ways to honour the Divine spirit within. I’m enjoying it.
- I also continue to “listen (and watch) for the animals this month. See who comes and what they bring.“
- This week my most frequent visitors have been Ravens. Oh raven… Oh. Today one flew over us as we returned from our walk. She carried something in her mouth. Pretty sure it was lunch. I found a great bit of Raven Lore over HERE that backs me up in my feeling that seeing a raven fly by with food in her/his mouth is a good omen of abundance in my own life.
- Another wonderful 40 day opportunity has also come my way and I LEAPT at it… but haven’t yet managed to settle to the doing. I found it over at Hettiene Grobler’s lovely site in her recent Mondays with Mary post.
- The offer is from Shiloh Sophia McCloud who generously offers a painting class inspired by Mary Magdalene free to anyone.
The offer will be available for forty daysand you can click on this link to check it out
~~o~~
I feel a gumbly in my tumbly
So I must bid you adieu.
But before I go… One more opportunity for any “WORDY Canadians” who are reading this.
I’m spreading the word about a fun project I’m participating in. It’s a book called A Rewording Life – being pulled together by a woman named Sheryl Gordon. Basically it’s a book of tasty luscious words wielded by “Wordy Canadians” with the portion of the proceeds going towards research into Alzheimer’s and Dementia. I think it’s a great, heartfelt, idea and I’m honoured to be a contributor.
You can read about the project (and Sheryl) over on Descant’s blog at – http://www.descant.ca/blog/2014/03/31/a-rewording-life-sheryl-gordon-needs-your-word/
Here’s the kind of folks she’s looking to for contributions:
‘WORDY’ CANADIAN – DEFINED:
Anyone who contributes to Canada’s enigmatic beauty and who ultimately makes life more rewarding. To me, that includes: actors, artists, athletes, authors, CBC personalities, comedians, cycling advocates, dancers, directors, environmentalists, foodies, journalists, musicians, poets, social activists, etc.
Think you might like to contribute? Shoot me a note and I’ll give you more info.
~~o~~
The Raggedy Man just brought me crackers covered in Cheese Whiz. He must hear my rumbly tumbly too. It really is time to go and make some dinner!
Thanks for stopping by.
Wishing you Spring warmth and wonderful waves of words that delight.
Go easy ~p
Knowing…
It’s been a while since I’ve penned a post about my meditation practice. Time to remedy that.
I had a grand experience last Saturday. I was contacted by a woman who is working on a paper about Vipassana meditation. More specifically about the 10 day Courses offered by places like the OVC (Ontario Vipassana Centre). She came across my blog in her research and reached out to ask if I would be willing to do an interview.
I thought about it for a few days. I googled her … in some kind of attempt to find her bonifieds. I suppose I was trying to defend against some kind of uber elaborate phishing scheme or something.
Anyhow – I agreed to the interview because I like helping people out with reasearch and because I often learn stuff about myself when I am interviewed. Being asked questions makes me think (of course) and, more importantly makes me … ARTICULATE my thoughts. Not that I always do it well, but a good interview question can stick with me and allow me to do some more thinking long after the interviewer has packed up and gone home.
It was interesting to review my experience at the OVC. I dug out the letter I wrote to Lady K soon after I came home. I wanted to refresh my memory just a touch. To reach back to how I actually felt when I emerged from the 10 days of silence and sitting and compare it to how I feel now. I also wanted to refresh anything I thought might be a tasty tidbit for the interviewer. Lord knows I never want to be boring.
There was a point we kept returning to during our conversation … it was something that I just couldn’t seem to… explain or illuminate for her and .. it was important. It was connected to the very CORE of why I am drawn to Vipassana as a meditation technique and why I am continuing to practice.
It’s about the body, of course. It’s about what I THINK I am doing by sitting and practicing Vipassana.
I started to blather on about that whole THING I have about how we can know things with our minds, intellectually, for a long long time before we really KNOW them in and with our bodies. And that the knowing in and with the body is a somehow … DEEPER … knowing. I blathered on for a bit and then I became almost … tongue tied. I just couldn’t find the words I needed to describe the… difference between knowing in the mind and knowing in the body.
I went back to the strongest example I have from my own life. I talked about my journey of healing from the abuse I suffered as a child. About how I read and read and read and I went to therapy and how I knew very well that what happened to me when I was a kid wasn’t my fault. Of course not. I knew that. I understood it. Sure. Sure I did. And yet…. I somehow DIDN’T know it at all.
I tried to tell her about that moment… The moment when… after all the reading and the therapy and all the knowing in my mind that it was not my fault… how one day it finally…. LANDED in my body. And I cried and cried and cried and cried some more. And it was like a … whoooooooosh… all through my body and my eyes were clearer and I could see and I was so much lighter and I was free and… THEN I could finally start to forgive myself and thereby finally truly start my healing.
And I told her to watch Good Will Hunting. And we laughed.
And I kept saying something like… “It’s so hard to explain. It’s like… You don’t know you don’t KNOW until you know.”
I just couldn’t find the words.
She asked me to try to find some simple words to describe how I felt before and after this grand revelation. I stumbled and mumbled something about lightness and freedom but I could see that she still didn’t really get what I was trying to say. I just couldn’t shine the light on it for her.
Later that day, during my late afternoon sit, it came to me.
During the interview, we’d talked about my visits to the Assistant Teacher during the course. How I spoke with her about how… HARD I was working. That I was tensing up my muscles in order to “feel the sensations on the body.”
The teacher said,
“You are aware of me now, yes?”
“Yes.”
“And you do not need to…” she scrunched up her face and held her body tense.
I smiled and said, “No.”
She smiled back at me. “It is the same.”
She commended me on noticing the tension in my body and said to simply… release it… when I became aware of it. I began to do that and it helped ease some of the pain I was experiencing.
Later, I got to thinking that if I had been sitting in front of her without my glasses on – that I might well have squinted up at her – trying to bring her into focus. That this is what it felt like when I was Sitting – that I had to WORK to find that focus. (More over in this post.)
When I got to thinking about the mad “you don’t know you don’t KNOW until know” thing… I realized that maybe I could also explain THAT a bit better to people with another glasses anecdote.
I got glasses in grade eight. Back in the wayback we took eye exams right in the classroom. You stood in the middle of the room, held a card over one eye and read the chart.
I had known for years that I needed glasses. I knew this because I couldn’t read the blackboard from my usual seat in the middle of the classroom. I never wanted to sit right up front in order to see. Who wants to sit up front? Not this kid who was always the new kid and totally did NOT want to draw undue attention to herself. I couldn’t see the board, so… I just learned to write really fast. I took my notes as the teacher talked. They almost always SAY what they are writing on the board, so I did fine. Til that day in grade eight when I had to stand up in front of the entire class, hold the card over my right eye and say “E. That’s it. E.”
E was all I could see. I debated memorizing the other letters as the other students read them off, but… ah hell, maybe I was just tired of writing so fast. Time to take my punishment and become a dreaded “four eyes.”
Then came the day when I got my first pair of glasses. Here we are again in the … words fail me section of the store. It was… amazing.
I went outside and I just… gawped. It was hard to not just… fall over. I stood stock still until my mother shook me by the arm and asked what the hell was wrong with me.
“Leaves,” I said.
“What?”
I smiled at her. “I can see the leaves.”
See… I knew what a tree was. I thought. I knew trees had leaves. I knew what leaves looked like. I knew what trees looked like. BUT NOT REALLY. I’d never seen leaves ON a tree. Maybe I did as a young child but for as long as I had been consiously looking at trees… I had never seen individual leaves on a branch.
And the whole fricken WORLD was like that.
I had no idea what I wasn’t seeing until I SAW it.
Get me?
That’s what I’m talking about here – you don’t know you don’t know until you know.
You don’t know what your can’t see until you can see it.
So me – here – with the sitting. I am reaching for something that I need to understand in the body and not just in the mind. I am reaching towards actually KNOWING the truth about… impermanence. There may be more that I am reaching for, but for now – that is enough. To sit and feel the sensations arise and pass away… arise and pass away…
It is enough.
Thanks for stopping by.
go easy ~p
Shake and Bake 74: The “Did I TOTALLY get this one WRONG?” Edition
Shake and Bakes are my quarterly check-ins (CHICKENS!). I use these posts to … shake out the happenings of my work and my life in general in an attempt to Shake off the bad and Bake in the good. It’s about … gratitude, paying attention and living by the moon. Much thanks to HAVI over at the Fluent Self for inspiration and to APRIL at Big Sky Astrology for her monthly Working with the Moon booklets.
~~o~~ FULL – Ice Going Out Moon ~~o~~
The ice remains….and may indeed be GROWING THICKER as we speak.
It was melty melty MELTY and then yesterday a wild blizzard blew in. It snowed all day and through the night and this morning I had to wrestle my way through a crotch high snowbank to retrieve the shovel and start the dig out.
SIGH.
A fella down at the Legion swears that we will still have ice for the May “24” weekend.
I almost bet him… but then I came to my senses. Lord knows he’s lived here longer than I have.
I just can’t help remembering how FAST the break up came on us last year. But then… I look back here and see that we had a big blizzard last year on April 13th…hmm…. it was way back in 2012 that we had the boat in by April 2nd. A tricky year that was. Tricked us into thinking we could actually survive a winter in the shakey shack. Oh wait – WE DO SURVIVE… Though both the Raggedy Man and I are glad we got a break this year and got to stay in town for a few months.
Anyhow…. enough yacking about the weather…
I was hoping to track the melt for y’all. Here’s what the river looks like ….(thanks much to http://www.canadianfishing.com for the webcam shots)
Come back SUNSHINE! Come back!
And as for that other… ahem… DECLARATION… about completing the second of Sanctuary this moonth… well…. (she bashfully looks away) methinks that one might turn out to be hooey as well.
Yes. I said it. I am full of HOOEY!
The ice isn’t going out and the book is… gonna be longer than I thought.
I can’t control the weather, of course.
And apparently I haven’t much control over the characters of Sanctuary either. They seem insistent on… ADDING layers to the book. So… right now I’ve no idea when we shall reach “the end” or if… WHEN we get there it will in any resemble the current “ending.”
It’s all rather exciting, actually.
I remain in good spirits and work diligently each day. Coming to page with a renewed curiosity.
This is cool. This is very very cool.
WHEEE!
And not that note… let us Chicken…
~~o~~
Reviewing my Intentions for this Moonth
April advises: The full moon in LIBRA calls us to review our intentions for this moon to see if they are “fair to all.”
That puts an interesting twist on things. Let’s check it out…
My main intention this moonth is:
To simply show up each day and see and hear and taste and smell and … BE with whatever the day offers up.
Θ (theta) earth – home – touch
- The walking is happening… every day that it isn’t BLIZZARDING out… And the Raggedy Man has been accompanying me most days.
- I hereby declare this intention not only FAIR to all… but GOOD for all as well. (ha)
Φ (phi) air – relationships – scent
- My aim to do a bit of housey cleaning each day this week has worked out… for the most part. Even if it is just dishes and giving the stove and counter a good swipe.
- I’m also trying valiantly to tidy things up as I go… I’m notorious for leaving piles of things behind me in my wake. Piles of books, papers, drawers and cupboard doors left ajar.
- This also seems FAIR to all – unless I turn into some kind of crazed tidyWoman who screeches at the Raggedy Man for tromping through the shack with his boots on. I do not foresee that happening.
Χ (chi) fire – work – vision
- As for my intention to Show up to the page. Every day. Even if it is a short shift. This intention can only bring good to those around me. I am a far far nicer person when I’m working well. And working WELL (for me) means showing up to the page. Every day.
Ξ (ksi) water – health – taste
- Taste your food. Eat slowly. Eat well. I continue to work on this. And I continue to share my daily breakfast habit with the fella. Which again, seems a darned good thing to do.
Ψ (psi) quintessence – spirit – hearing/listening
- I also continue to “listen (and watch) for the animals this month. See who comes and what they bring.“
- This week we rejoiced at the return of the EAGLES. We only saw one, but we hope this sighting means that the entire family is back. For me, the Eagle has ever been a symbol of Strength and Vision, Illumination and fierce Courage. And I am so so GLAD that this family comes back to spend time with us each year.
- Again, I did this WITH the Raggedy Man. Guess he is part of all my intentions this month. Cool
Looking WIDER… I think my intentions … do no harm. Especially if they are done…gently. Even good intentions can hurt others (our ourSelves) if taken too far.
Mostly, my moonthly/weekly/daily intentions are ways to… become more AWARE of something. They are always part of the ongoing and ever evolving process of living my life with… intention (duh, right?).
This be my life – and my ever, perhaps ONLY, overriding intention is to pay attention to the moment we are in.
Simple, right? Simple and yet somehow so very difficult for this one to do.
Ah well… I’ll just have to keep practicing.
~~o~~
Things to examine and Release in the Waning
April advises: The waning phases of the Aries New Moon (between the
Full Moon and the Taurus New Moon) are best for
examining and releasing:
• Aggression and anger
• Impatience
• Excessive competitiveness
For me, I see this taking the form of being…impatient with the SPEED at which I work. Or more precisely – at how fricken long it takes me to write a novel.
And as I find myself going deeper and deeper into Sanctuary it is both thrilling and … a bit maddening. I mean, I have a first draft…. shouldn’t THIS PASS be about … tidying things up? Not adding even MORE complications and … well… MESS?
Ah I giggle.
The only way to finish this thing is to go THROUGH this draft and the the only way through THIS DRAFT is to listen to the characters and follow them about.
Maybe the NEXT DRAFT will be more about … tidying. Heh heh.
As to … comparing myself to others who write faster and who I am often CONVINCED write better than I… well… that’s just silly, isn’t it?
I write what I write in the way I write. This is what I got. This is what I give. No use in comparing or competing with anyone else.
~~o~~
Thanks for stopping by.
May the sun shine upon you this week and warm you through and through.
Isn’t she AMAZING?
Go easy ~p
Shake and Bake 73: Boons and Blessings Abound!
Shake and Bakes are my quarterly check-ins (CHICKENS!). They used to be weekly – but this year they are happening in line with the moon. I use these posts to … shake out the happenings of my work and my life in general in an attempt to Shake off the bad and Bake in the good. It’s about … gratitude, paying attention and now..living by the moon.
~~o~~ 1st QUARTER – Ice Going Out Moon ~~o~~
WILL the Ice Go Out this moonth? We shall see… we shall see…
Hullo my pretties.
It’s a melty Monday morning and I come to you with such news!
As you know, if you spend any time over here in my wee dusty corner of the interwebs… I am a writer who lives up in Northern Ontario. I am … hmm…. let us say a 1/3 of the way through the second draft of my second novel. I live with my sweet Raggedy Man (who is a playwright) in our shaky shack on the Kebsquasheshing river. We love the shack. We have an awesome woodstove and a handpump off the back step that gives us fresh and tasty water. We have power, a phone and highspeed. It’s cold sometimes, and the winters are long but we count ourselves entirely blessed to be able to live and work up here.
Money is often a problem. Let’s just tell the truth. It is OFTEN a problem. As it is for most Creatives who often have to do take on Job-Jobs to pay for food and shelter. The thing we crave the most is… TIME TO WORK. Time and energy and focus. Freedom.
And thus…. my fabulous news.
Last December, I pulled together an application to the Ontario Arts Council Writer’s Work in Progress Northern Competition. And…. last Tuesday, I heard that my application was successful!
I was down to 240.00 in the ole bank account – and … more truth be told, I’d run up some credit. You can imagine my knee melting relief when I tore open the envelope.
I bought groceries and gas for the car.
And yes… a bottle of wine 😉
Aside from the much much needed cash, support from the Ontario Arts Council, The Saskatchewan Arts Board,or the Canada Council gives me an incredible boost of confidence and… validation. Knowing that a group of my peers read my work and found it worthy of support is PRICELESS. I’ve sat on juries and I know how tight the money is. As a jury member, I’ve fought for projects and artists I believed in. It fills me with so much gratitude to know that the jury found Sanctuary (and me) promising enough to give me this huge boon of time to work without the constant Money Panic hanging over me.
The support also gives me a kick in the pants – motivation wise. I see this as a contract between the OAC and myself.
I always think of writing as “my job” and I work hard.
I am also, as you may have noticed, still incredibly OTHER focused and I work even harder when I am working FOR SOMEONE ELSE. So when I receive support like this – I shift into a higher gear. I am supported… held up… and encouraged to produce something WORTHY of that support.
Here’s hoping I am up to the challenge!
That Woodpecker who came to call last week sure had a surprise for me, eh? I will take this opportunity and work my hiney off! I will I will I will finish this book and see that it makes it’s way out into the world.
CHEERS OAC! THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU!
And now… on we go….
~~o~~
Reviewing my Intentions for this Moonth
and strengthening ACTIONs
My main intention this moonth is:
To simply show up each day and see and hear and taste and smell and … BE with whatever the day offers up.
Θ (theta) earth – home – touch
- Being back at the shack after four months in town feels awesome. Especially being here for the grand MELT. I plan to keep on slipping on those groovy green rubber boots I bought at the 2nd Hand Store and … Walk the land. Each and every day.
Φ (phi) air – relationships – scent
- Deep breathes are in order while out on those long rambling walks.
- Fresh smells conjured by a nice Spring Cleaning would also be welcome. I shall aim to do a bit of housey cleaning each day this coming week.
Χ (chi) fire – work – vision
- Again and always I learn and relearn that my most important job is to Show up to the page. Every day. Even if it is a short shift – I need to do a bit of work on the novel every every day. To keep the flow going and to fend off the DREADS.
- There are GRAND FULL AND HUGE days. Those are the best. But there are also days when LIFE bumps up against WORK and it can be hard to find the focus and energy to do even the two hour minimum I like to do each day (see the post called The Deals We Make With Ourselves). The support from the OAC will help with this – because now – I AM WORKING FOR THEM as well as mySelf. YAY.
- And a secret note to mySelf – Pam…. trust the magic. It will be OK. You need to let it flow. Don’t forget that you aren’t ALWAYS the boss of them. They will show you the way if you just give them their heads…SOMETIMES.
Ξ (ksi) water – health – taste
- Taste your food. Eat slowly. Eat well. I continue to work on this.
- The eating breakfast thing is going amazingly well thanks to LIFT. It’s really working for me to check off the habit each day. And I lurve getting “props” from all my Lift pallas. (Palla is a word coined by the fabulous Lia Pas meaning, simply, a female Pal. We like it and intend to use it until it becomes common usage. Feel free to join us.)
Ψ (psi) quintessence – spirit – hearing/listening
- I continue to “listen (and watch) for the animals this month. See who comes and what they bring.“
- This week we’ve had some partridge (ruffled grouse) and squirrels galore. Tracks from rabbits and the fox – though I haven’t seen her yet with my own eyes.
Looking up Ruffled Grouse… I found the following over at Spirit Lodge….
From Ted Andrews book Animal Speak:
The ruffed grouse reflects that working with new rhythms and new movement will be beneficial to opening a new flow of energy into your life. Dance and drumming would become wonderful tools to open new realms for you. This doesn’t mean you have to go out and take dance lessons, but simply practice and develop your freeform expressions. You will be surprised at the changes in your own energy. See yourself dancing into new patterns and realms within your life.
If the grouse has come into your life use the dance. Focus on something you want to change, manifest, or desire, and create your own movements that reflect it. Perform it to some drum music. Then watch how quickly the energy begins to flow for you. If performed with the right intention, you will see results in less than a week.
… To those to whom grouse comes there should be a marking off of sacred space in your life. Make sure there are territories and areas you do not allow others. This enables your own natural rhythms and movements to create for you without too much outside interference.
I built a drum many years ago. I haven’t used it in a long while. I think it’s time to bring her down and … start again.
~~o~~
Before I go – I want to give a shout out and thanks to Tina and mercmes who wrote me and told me that the lovely RAVEN with the moon I posted in Shake and Bake 68 was created by Kerri Ann Crau. I’ve fixed up the post to link back to her. You can find more of her work at http://kerrianncrau.deviantart.com/.
That’s it for me gang. Happy Monday!
Thanks for stopping by.
May your week be full to the brim with boons and blessings.
Go easy ~p
Shake and Bake 72: Riding the Rhythm
Shake and Bakes are my quarterly check-ins (CHICKENS!). They used to be weekly – but this year they are happening in line with the moon. I use these posts to … shake out the happenings of my work and my life in general in an attempt to Shake off the bad and Bake in the good. It’s about … gratitude, paying attention and now..living by the moon.
~~o~~ New Ice Going Out Moon ~~o~~
April’s Moon is known as:
Planter’s Moon (Colonial America)
Flower Moon (Cherokee)
Wildcat Moon (Choctaw)
Growing Moon (Celtic)
Seed Moon (Medieval England And Wiccan)
Awakening Moon (Neo-Pagan)
Pink Moon (Algonquin)
Egg Moon (English)
For me, this year, I believe it will be Ice Going Out Moon (as November’s moon was Ice Coming In). I hope the pink moss or wild phlox will return. I hope the grass will sprout. But mostly I hope the river will MELT… and that her flow will fill my eyes and ears again.
As I sat outside today, contemplating this new moon and what my intentions might be, I heard a loud and rhythmic knocking. There was a lovely huge woodpecker in the big tree out by my studio.
Woodpecker calls us to pay attention… to keep our eyes and ears and soul open to new opportunities presenting themselves OR to seeing the opportunities already present. To listen close to subtle energies and to trust our intuition. To look at projects in new and creative ways in order to breathe new life into them. http://spirit-animals.com/woodpecker/
Woodpeckers are sacred to Zeus and to Mars – which made me smile as this new moon is in…. ARIES. They are grand at overcoming obstacles and breaking THROUGH things by sheer determination.
Jung saw woodpeckers as:
…a symbol of a return to the womb of creativity. In this observation the tree is symbolic of a womb; earthy, grounded, sturdy and secure. The woodpecker’s home within the tree is analogous of a fierce determination to return and protect that which is sacred to us.
When this bird comes pecking, it is a call for us to return to our roots, back to the womb of our ideas and use our intellect and discernment to follow through with our plans.
From: http://www.whats-your-sign.com/symbolic-meaning-of-woodpecker.html
It is also said that “Shamans can ride the drumbeats of the Woodpecker’s rhythm into another dimension, space and time.” (http://www.linsdomain.com/totems/pages/woodpecker.htm)
All this sounds pretty darned good to me – considering where I am at with the new draft of Sanctuary. A clear call to keep working, to ride the rhythm and to trust my intuition.
After the Woodpecker’s visit, I went inside for my afternoon Sit and another message landed. I’ve been working on … not judging my sits. Just doing them and being content to practice practice practice. Not seeing one Sit as “better” than another. I am also still very conscious of noticing what sensations are there – not wishing for OTHER sensations or trying to manipulate the sensations just… becoming aware of the existing sensations.
This came to me very strongly today as a seemingly simple but possibly very powerful intention for this Moonths LIVING.
To simply show up each day and see and hear and taste and smell and … BE with whatever the day offers up.
So that’s what I’m gonna do.
~~o~~
Intentions for the New Moon
Θ (theta) earth – home – touch
- Step outside each day. Walk the land. Pay attention.
Φ (phi) air – relationships – scent
- Sniff a lot. Breathe in the changes as the season turns.
Χ (chi) fire – work – vision
- Show up to the page. Find the fire and the flow and go with it.
- Work with the dreams and the Watcher Clan. Trust the Bird (s).
Ξ (ksi) water – health – taste
- Taste your food. Eat slowly. Eat well.
Ψ (psi) quintessence – spirit – hearing/listening
- Listen (and watch) for the animals this month. See who comes and what they bring.
~~o~~
And, with that… we bid farewell to Snowy March and welcome April in all her Melting Glory.
I made another discovery today. A musician named Nick Drake who’s last album was called Pink Moon. Sadly, Nick suffered from depression and Pink Moon was his last album and Wikipedia says “On 25 November 1974, Drake died from an overdose of amitriptyline, a prescribed antidepressant; he was 26 years old. Whether his death was an accident or suicide has never been resolved.”
We lose so many talented artists to the dark. Breaks my heart.
Here’s Pink Moon…
You can find the entire album over HERE.
Thanks for popping by.
Sending you wishes for a wonderful April.
Go easy ~p
Shake and Bake 71 – Dancing with Discombobulation
Shake and Bakes are my quarterly check-ins (CHICKENS!). They happen in line with the moon. I use these posts to … shake out the happenings of my work and my life in general in an attempt to Shake off the bad and Bake in the good. It’s about … gratitude, paying attention and living by the moon. I began this ritual after spending time with Havi at fluentself.com and I’m also grateful for Astrological insights I’m gaining through April over at bigskyastrology.com
Last Quarter Raven Moon – Energy wanes…. as we pack up and head for home.
The grand clean up has begun… the piles of packing are growing. By Friday night, we will be back in our beloved Shakey Shack.
I’m excited to be returning in time to greet the turning of the season. That is one of the things about living out on the Bay.
Spring is coming …. it must be coming…Though we are still locked in cold, we did have one day this last week when I walked with my coat open and Zoe and I felt the sun on our skin (and fur).
I’m glad I will have the privilege of watching Spring’s stealthy approach from the shack. It begins so slow…and then…. it races towards us full on.
The break up of the ice is…. astoundingly beautiful.
As I mop floors and polish surfaces here at the house-sit, I am so grateful for the time we spent here. It’s been another adventure – being Town Folk for a few months. And time with Zoe has been healing for all of us. We miss our sweet Robbie something fierce. It will be hard to be back at the shack without her. Well… she is with us still in some way. She will watch the ice go out with us. And she will run like a pup again.
The challenge for me this week is to keep up the work on the book through the discombobulation of packing and moving home. I wonder how I will do.
~~o~~
Reviewing Intentions
Last quarter – a chance to tweak intentions, wrap things up, find rest and begin to dream for next moonth.
Θ (theta) earth – home – touch
- The the step-by-step revising work on Sanctuary continues and there are surprises… as always. I love the fact that showing up – getting my butt in the chair – allows the Flow to come. And I am really enjoying the dance between the “old” and the “new” that is happening with the reVisions.
- I get scared, sometimes. That there is still so much to do. But what else is new?
Φ (phi) air – relationships – scent
- Keeping the eyes open for small opportunities to “Be Kind” has made life lovely this week. It just feels GOOD, doesn’t it?
Χ (chi) fire – work – vision
- Still chugging ahead towards draft two and that April 22nd (Last Quarter of the April Moon) “deadline”.
- As new ideas slip in… I wonder how on earth I will make it… but I’m going to let it stand for now.
Ξ (ksi) water – health – taste
- The intention to BE THERE… to get my butt into the chair and be open for the FLOW is bang on. The few days that I didn’t manage to work WEIGH on me… but life is life and living it can pull us from even our deepest desires.
- I know this week it will be even tougher to get my butt in the chair. I hereby… strengthen my resolve to DO IT. Even if it is for a short session, I very very much want to get to it each and every day.
Ψ (psi) quintessence – spirit – hearing/listening
- I did it! I did it! I sat for 1/2 each day at 4pm. Very cool. I hope to continue that this week – but again…. I foresee… discombobulation 😉
I had a very very disturbing experience in my morning sit yesterday.
I decided to do something different and do a guided meditation.
I looked for one that was based on Vipassana. I found a 60 minute body contemplation Sit and I was truly loving it until the 50 minute mark when the woman leading it got into all the stuff about the Buddha saying the body is a big rubbish bag and … Well… She seemed to be going on and on about how dirty and disgusting the body is and….finally she pushed me right out of my posture.
I just couldn’t take it.
I let the recording run out, but i was no longer Sitting.
I can grasp that…we are not the body.
I can also grasp or at least…begin to truly understand the impermanence of the body and the mind.
I just don’t see why there needs to be a total…aversion to the body and to all bodily functions and fluids. Why must we see the body as ugly and dirty? Can we not just….experience what it is like to be here on earth IN this body?
I spent far too long being totally, out of touch and actually HATING my body. And her words totally triggered me back to some very old personal shit.
It was awful. But I posted to a few groups … One focussed on Vipassana and one for women and got some great feedback and support. I feel a lot better now. And I am grateful for the thoughtful responses I got to my cry for help.
I am also celebrating the fact that I … didn’t just sit there and ABSORB that poison. For to me, it is poison.
I was going to write a separate MONDAY Musing post about this… but…. there are more floors to wash!
And with that in mind… time for me to get to it.
~~o~~
Thanks for popping by.
May this week bring you… things completed… and well deserved REST.
And yes…. because of the triggery time… it’s time for a lil Indigo Girls… I can never share this song ENOUGH.
Be well, friend.
Go easy ~p
RandomLand 4: Rocking the 2nd Hand Store
Hullo Sweeties…
It’s Friday time to hop aboard the RANDOM train with the folks playing Random 5 Fridays with A Rural Journal. 
Today I set out to seek out random goodness at the local Second Hand Store.
Here’s what I found.
~~o~~
1.Skipping Rope
Cuz I am soooo gonna get in shape this summer….right?
~~o~~
2.Rubber Boots
Cuz what’s the point of only having one?
~~o~~
3. Groovy looking Crock/Canisters with cork lids
With something very very dead and smelly in the small one.
Zoe wants to find out what it is!
~~o~~
4. Fascinating Books
Wild Animals of North America, Holistic Herbal, Book 3 of The Illustrated Library of Nature and Quotations to Cheer You Up.
~~o~~
5. And…. A gorgeous reversible Hippy Bag to bring it all home in.
Can I say …. SCORE!!!!!!?
Today was also our first day above ZERO (celsius) so I’m a tad…. Happy. Though our world still looks pretty much like this…
HAPPY FRIDAY!
~~o~~
Have a great weekend.
May the Sacred Random bring you much joy in the week to come. ~p
Shake and Bake 70 – Wrestling with Resistance in the Belly of the Beast
Shake and Bakes are my quarterly check-ins (CHICKENS!). They happen in line with the moon. I use these posts to … shake out the happenings of my work and my life in general in an attempt to Shake off the bad and Bake in the good. It’s about … gratitude, paying attention and living by the moon. I began this ritual after spending time with Havi at fluentself.com and I’m also grateful for Astrological insights I’m gaining through April over at bigskyastrology.com
Full Raven Moon – A time of full on flow in the energy realm… And yet I find my Resistance peaking as well….
Ain’t it often so?
And ain’t it also true that if we pay attention – the answers/comfort/kick in the arse we need will present itself?
A writing cohort of mine – the fabulously talented Lia Pas – put me onto Steven Pressfield’s fabulous wee book called Do the Work.
I’d heard his name before, of course. I LOVE his book The Legend of Baggar Vance. I’d even gone over to scope out his site and looked at his books on writing… I just hadn’t taken the plunge.
This was my SECOND recommend from a fellow creator and I knew it was time to listen. So I bought Do the Work – and I am entirely glad I did. I wept my way through it. And I laughed my way through it. So close to my own heart’s despair. So clear and honest and true. And also… so freaking encouraging.
If you’ve been coming here often, you know that this year I experienced a BIG CRASH with my Novel in Progress, Sanctuary. I was at the place where it just…. seemed….to….. SUCK. And so… I despaired for a while and then I rolled up my sleeves and tackled the problem – heading right back to the drawing board…. tearing down and reworking the whole timeline/structure thing and now… now I am hip deep in the reWrite – heading for a second draft.
The way Pressfield describes this exact PLACE in his book – took my fricken breath away. As he says – it is when we are here, in the belly of the beast that:
We are too dumb to quit and too mulish to back off.
That’s right where I’m at, me lovelies.
It’s good to find out I have a lot of COMPANY.
OK – on we go with the chickening….
~~o~~
Reviewing Intentions
The full moon in VIRGO calls us to review our intentions for this moon to see if they are practical, useful and reasonable.
Θ (theta) earth – home – touch
- The intention to simply keep my head down and work step-by-step on Sanctuary is sound and I will continue.
Φ (phi) air – relationships – scent
- The intention to Be Kind is always practical, useful and reasonable. May I always be so.
Χ (chi) fire – work – vision
- Ok… so here’s one to think on. The intention to BURN through this baby bit by bit is a gooder – but the self imposed deadline of completing a 2nd draft by March 28 looks a taaaaaad unreasonable at this point. I am up to 17.3K and working steadily but I think I need to reset that deadline.
- So… OK… The new deadline shall be…. April 22nd (Last Quarter of the April Moon). I honestly think that is Do-able. Time will tell.
- If I make this deadline – I shall dance for joy and let myself well and truly rest come the Dark Moon of April.
Ξ (ksi) water – health – taste
- The intention to BE THERE… to get my butt into the chair and be open for the FLOW is sound…. it shall continue.
Ψ (psi) quintessence – spirit – hearing/listening
- AM Meditation Sits have been good… but I continue continue continue to struggle with a PM sit.
- I debated giving them up for a month and trying again next moon. Then… I came up with a compromise – I really do want to sit TWICE in the day, but I realized that I don’t have to be TOTALLY rule bound about it. So I’ve chosen a time for my PM sits. I have set some alarms/reminders to bing at me when the time comes each day. And I plan to just sit for 1/2 hour.
- I hereby screw my determination to the sticking place to do this for ONE WEEK. I shall report back at Last Quarter Moon.
~~o~~
Things to Release?
Doubt and Fear are still here…. palling around with Resistance.
But they ain’t gonna beat me this time.
I GOT BACK-UP!
~~o~~
And there tis…. my full moon post for this raving Raven Moon.
Sending wishes for a lovely full moon time for you. Here’s a great post (Full Moon in Virgo: Practical Magic) on the virtues and magic to be found in a simple round of cleaning up around the house today. You don’t need to do a LOT to feel great. Clean one drawer, tidy the bathroom… file one pile… your inner Virgo will rejoice.
Thanks for popping by.
And…here’s a lil BRUCE to keep you going til next time! No retreat, baby, NO SURRENDER!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgoyRxviAUQ
Go easy ~p
RandomLand 3: Nifty, Gifty, Lifty Thrifty and ODD
Hullo Sweeties…
It’s Friday time to hop aboard the RANDOM train with the folks playing Random 5 Fridays with A Rural Journal. Here’s some random goodies from my life the past coupla weeks.
~~o~~
1. NIFTY – the Raggedy Man came home from his Sailing adventure
So….he went from this:
To THIS:
~~o~~
2.GIFTY – Annie Arrived! Annie Arrived!
Ain’t she pretty? AND she came with SOCKS! I have a thing for socks and these are BEAUTS 😉
Much much thanks to the lovely and talented Tanya over at Bead and Needle.
Annie loves her new home and she gets a lot of compliments when we hit the town.
~~o~~
3. Fun with a new app – LIFT
Those of you who follow my moony Chickens (Shake n Bakes) know that I used to track “the DOings that help me with BEings” each week. I still have an urge to track things and a pal and I recently started using the LIFT app which allows us to track habits we would like to build into our daily lives.
I like it because I can check things off as I do them each day and add a short note and all my info is saved for me to download at some point into a wonderful spreadsheet. I haven’t tested the spreadsheet function yet – but I’m hoping it works and then I will see allllllllll my crazy doings lined up for the year. That would please me.
The best outcome so far for me is … that my pal and I are now in touch almost every day – encouraging each other through giving “PROPS” for completing something, or chatting through our daily notes. It really is a great way to keep in touch and I would encourage you to ask a pal to join with you so that you can work together.
I know we all have WAY TOO MANY ACCOUNTS…and THINGS TO DO… but I’m really enjoying this one and how it fits into my life and gives me a little LIFT – heh heh.
~~o~~
4. THRIFTY Another fun FREE App – PENULTIMATE
I’ve also been using a handy dandy handwriting app with my ipad.
I totally don’t mean to make this a big ole AD SPACE for apps. But I’m having a lot of fun with penultimate – using it as a digital notepad to carry around with me and jot notes in. It works alongside another app called Evernote where I can type and insert pictures and websites and all manner of jazzy jazz.
But my RECENT FUN has been designing my own PAPERS to use in the app.
Like this one I’m using for my “digital chickens” – I used to do this on paper and print out a new wee notebook each moonth. Now I do it all on the ipad. Checking in each evening. I dig it. And I like that I can create my own backgrounds to work with. WHEEEE!
I found out how to do it over at ipadpapers.com
~~o~~
5. And then there is THIS madness:
I dunno why. I don’t even know WHERE. But it kinda freaked me out and so… of course… I hadda share with you all.
HAPPY FRIDAY!
~~o~~
Have a great weekend.
May the Sacred Random bring you much joy in the week to come. ~p
Shake and Bake 69: Barking at the Moon
Shake and Bakes are my quarterly check-ins (CHICKENS!). They used to be weekly – but this year they are happening in line with the moon. I use these posts to … shake out the happenings of my work and my life in general in an attempt to Shake off the bad and Bake in the good. It’s about … gratitude, paying attention and now..living by the moon.
~~o~~ 1st Quarter CROW/RAVEN Moon ~~o~~
The wind blows…. and snow…more snow… Raven and I continue our work on the book. We’re up to about 11.5K. I’m thinking this draft will be around 80K.
Que sera sera.
I’m a bit down today. I think it might be the weather. In truth – it has been a good and productive quarter for me but it’s a day of small sorrow today. Not sure why.
A day to curl up with a good book.
We moved into the first quarter of this moonth yesterday. I was deep in the reVisions and didn’t have it in me to post anything here. In truth, it took me most of the day to get my butt into the chair to work on the book. Once in, all went well… but there is still so much… Fear? Resistance?
I’m not even sure what I fear. That it might suck? So what?
The only way to get better as a writer is… to write…. and write and write and REWRITE. I know this. I also know that I am learning a hell of a lot with this book. I am writing in a whole new way and that is good. It’s just… scary is all. And it might well SUCK. But I won’t know til I finish the thing. And, right now, I can only … keep on. Keep on.
So. I. Shall.
~~o~~
Reviewing my Intentions for this Moonth and strengthening ACTIONs
Θ (theta) earth – home – touch
- Check check and double check.
- I continue to work Step by Step by Step. Staying grounded amidst the WildMind work.
- I weave the layers.
- And, most important, I continue to get up off the floor when the whole thing feels a hopeless mess.
- The main struggle is getting the butt to the chair. Once there…. all is well…. all is very very well.
Φ (phi) air – relationships – scent
- I’m managing to keep an eye and a smile and an ear at the ready for others – even amidst this narrowing focus. I think I’m balancing well and not totally HERMITing. I’ve gone out with friends a few times this week. And had a few Skype dates as well.
- Feeling connected and supported and cherishing my friendships.
- Aiming to continue…
Χ (chi) fire – work – vision
- I have set myself a rather daunting task here. I’ve no idea if I will really be able to blast my way through to a second draft by moon’s end. But… I’m still aiming for it.
Ξ (ksi) water – health – taste
- Again and again I learn the truth of this writing FACT – if you get your @rse in the chair, your muse will show up. She may be reluctant. She may even be a little pissed off at being SUMMONED if she is used to summoning YOU. But she will come. And with her – the FLOW.
- Mark the time out to work. Get your butt in the chair. Do the work.
Ψ (psi) quintessence – spirit – hearing/listening
- The good news I continue to manage at least one sit a day.
- The evening sit is still elusive. But I’ve gotten there a few times this quarter.
- The intention is sound… and I will continue to reach here.
~~o~~
And, with that… I’m off to eat a sammich and dive below some covers to read a while.
Yep – that is Jian Ghomeshi with Moxy Fruvous.
Thanks for popping by.
Go easy ~p
Places I read
some places i hang out
Pam Bustin 